What next?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2006
What next?
1
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 5:30pm

Hi
I'm new to this site, I just need somewhere to pour my problems out and hopefully get some opinions. Mine is a very long story but to be breif my fiance left a few weeks before christmas completely out of the blue, saying he wasn't sure what he wanted anymore. He was gone two weeks and then I took him back.

When he was back things were good when I was with him but as soon as he left for work I felt sick anyway the long and short of it was that christmas eve I asked him if he was happy and he said he wasn't sure. So I told him to go. I was heart broken and struggled to function over christmas and new year. I finally picked myself back up. Spoke to him a few times and ha said he thought he didi still want me. I told him to go away and sort his head out as I couldn't do it for him. He has always been the most straight forward, dependable guy.

We have had very little contact since then just sorting out bills etc. I have been getting on with things and was even starting to feel a little happeir I had a day without tears. This week however 've gone back to howling with sadness.

I don't know what to do know I want to try and give him some space but am I just kidding myself? Shall I make him make a decision?

Any advice words of wisdom greatly appreciated because at the moment I am just trying to put a brave face on it but I thinks its over.

Thanks for reading
Beth
x

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 5:41pm

I'm sorry for the pain you're going through. I think that under the circumstances, the best thing you can do for yourself is assume it IS over, and start moving forward on that assumption. If he comes back again, you can decide whether you want to start over (and under what circumstances--it would be a useful exercise for you to decide NOW what your boundaries would be. Would you make attending couples counseling for X number of months a condition, for example?).

I just want to say, also, that it's totally NORMAL to go back and forth...feel better one week then almost back to square one the next.

The sooner you can take care of business (finish sorting out the bills) and go to no contact, the sooner you'll be able to really start moving on.

Keep us posted on how you're doing.

Sheri