what is next to do...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
what is next to do...
1
Mon, 08-15-2005 - 8:20pm

I don't want to be foolish, but for some reason I do not feel that it is over. My bf said he wanted to end things last Thursday, but we ended up having the greatest conversation right afterwards. We have such a strong emotional connection, and even at the worst time we still had it. He said that right now he can't give me what I deserve and that he just can't be a boyfriend right now. But he hopes we can be friends and if it develops into more later, great.

The thing is, he is depressed. He said it a few weeks ago and never brought it up again. But, his 25 year old brother in law died almost a month ago, his job is going really rough, he isn't hanging out with his friends (no ambition to) and his hobbies are starting to prove more frustrating than fun. I had been depressed before and I know what it is like. I can tell that he is way down right now and most likely that is why he is pushing me away. He said I am the girl he has been looking for all along, and that our connection couldn't be better. I feel the same way, I absolutely believe that he is the "one." I get along great with his family, his friends. The problem is that we haven't known eachother long enough and all this has happened too soon to our growing relationship.

So, what do I do? Being friends with him sounds hard because I already know I want more. There is nothing at all wrong with our relationship. It is great, it is just him with his issues right now. He had gotten scared of our serious relationship before because he had gotten hurt so bad in the past and hasn't been able to commit since. But at least he had been making the effort and was doing the most to make our relationship more on the serious level.

I don't want to lose him and I don't want to look like a fool for hanging on for dear life, but do I stand by him right now as he goes through stuff, knowing that he really has deep feelings for me and trust my gut reaction that we will get back together? Or do I give up something amazing, because it will be very hard and isn't 100% certain? Do I follow my head or my heart right now? My heart can't let go, and my head doesn't really want to either!

I am just not ready to walk away from "the one." I wish I knew what to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2003
Fri, 08-26-2005 - 1:31am
If he is depressed then this will be a temporary situation. SO, I say you an still hang in without hanging on for dear life. You can be there for him as a girlfriend/friend without putting a bunch of emphasis on your relationship. All I know is I wish I would have stood by my BF, even tho mine was perpetually negative. If your guy is just going thru a hard time, stick it out...especailly if you think he is the one. Don't wait forever for him, and if it starts to negatively impact your life you will have to consider moving on but until then I think it is absolutely possible to work thru this.