What should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
What should I do?
4
Fri, 11-03-2006 - 8:32pm

Hi -
I desperately need some advice here. I have had an online friendship with a co-worker (he does not work with me directly). We just got to know each other over the spring due to a common project. But since then he moved to another group, but our friendship stuck. We emailed each other every day, mostly it was sharing jokes, funny, laughing together. When we talked on the phone (once a week), we had a great time. There wasn't overtly romantic stuff but definitely an on-line chemistry. Our emails usually were very friendly, platonic but sometimes mildly flirtatious. I definitely felt he cared about me and I did too. We would support each other over email. We are both single, late 30s.

I found myself falling for him..I mean who wouldn't? Guy is funny, makes me laugh, it was like we had a connection. Finally I suggested that I might be visiting his town(he lives about 400 miles from me)and would love to get together. He seemed enthusiastic as well and we did email few times after that.

But suddenly out of the blue, this week, he has stopped responding to my emails..It has been 4 days. I am not sure what to do anymore. I have not called him yet. I did sent him another email and just got a 1 liner 3 days back saying he is preoccupied with work. But nothing more..

So any clue what's going on? Am I over analysing it..I wish he would just be straightforward. I want to call him and just ask him straightaway..but have resisted so far.

Why do guys do this? I miss his friendship and yes I would have liked more but for now, I just miss him. What should I do now? I am almost tempted to call and reassure him, if he is not ready to meet yet, just to get the friendship back again..

Any advise would be appreciated. Hurting real badly now..tempted to write to him again..

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Fri, 11-03-2006 - 9:17pm
well you're not a mind reader and neither is he. I say pick the phone and ask him how he's doing, etc..You can never tell what as person is feeling or thinking via email cause you don't hear the sound of their voice or see their faces. You just go by what they are typing back to you. Call him and if you get the sense that he is not interested, then you will have your answer. Goodluck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Sat, 11-04-2006 - 11:14am

Hi - Thanks for your message. I thought of calling but did not want to seem too desperate..after the last 3 days of cold shoulder. Also I am scared he will not return my phone call. Still thinking of trying one last direct email coming week. Before making that phone call. What do you think? I am hurting so badly now..wish I had let things be so at least he was a friend..if nothing else. Part of me wants to chill it for few days and see what happens. I hate it when guys do this avoidance..just tell us straight and be done with.

Feeling miserable...would appreciate any replies..thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Sat, 11-04-2006 - 11:41am

Give it a couple of days and see what happens. If you still haven't heard from him and if you feel you must,then send him that email. Unfortunately, that is just how some people are, they prefer avoidance to confrontation, but you must remember it has nothing to do with you, it's their problem. For one thing, you don't know what's going on in his life, he maybe going through some issues that he doesn't want to share with you so he's giving himself space to sort things out. In any case, trying to figure out what he's thinking or why he is doing the things he's doing really is just going to make you crazy. So I suggest you try to move on from this and just give it some time. Good luck!

T.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2006
Sat, 11-04-2006 - 12:40pm

My advice is to let him pursue you instead. I've never had ANY success running after guys -- they always run faster.

Lately I've become very old-fashioned. That, and seeing my ex's MO for getting women. I've come to the conclusion guys go after the girls they want, and they go after girls that they don't have already.

Best bet is to disappear and see if he comes back. Make him chase you.