what should i do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2006
what should i do?
4
Sun, 10-29-2006 - 10:24pm
Okay this is what happened. In march my boyfriend of 3 years proposed to me. I said yes. shortly after that we moved to florida from new york because he wanted to start his career down there and it is a lot cheaper to live there. Only a few months later I got upseting news that my mom had a stroke and had luekemia. As soon as we could my fiance and i drove up to new york. He said he would stay with me but in has to go back to florida before january for class. I was hoping that my mom would be getting better and I would be able to start my life with him as well. Unfortunaly my mom is not getting better, but only worse. So i told my fiance I would not be able to go to florida in january because of this. Now he is going to florida soon and thinks we should break up now so it isnt harder when the time comes. I know he doesnt want to break up and either do i but it feels like we have no other choice. Then i have the problem that i feel if he loved me and thought he wanted to marry me he would stay here and be by my side through this rough time. Or am I being selfish for asking him to stay? Its like i don't know if i should be mad at him or not. We are still talking and he tells me he is extremely upset and loves me and doesnt want to go but he has to move on. But i do not want to move on, right now i can not imagine not knowing him in the future. Its also much harder for me because my friends all have there own stuff going on, and i feel like i have no one to hang out with to have a good time and try to get over it. Then I'll talk to him and he's going out. it just don't feel fair. I just want him to turn around and say he would stay for me. I don't want to go thru this alone. If anyone has any advice like should i still talk to him, or let him go? How can I keep myself occupied when i don't have my friends to go out with. Or anything else? I have so many things on my mind. I can't type it all. Thanks...
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Sun, 10-29-2006 - 10:44pm
You can make new friends if your friends are busy with their life. Once the world Breakup is mentioned in a relationship there is little hope it will stay a relationship. If you dare to discuss it, you had thought of it already for sometime... I really think he should stay by your side and put off his career/life plans for a while now. If he does not feel like doing this you cant force him but at least you know the type of man he is. Some partners run away from the other partner as soon as the other faces bad circumstances. This is what make you tell the difference between a good future husband and a bad one.
I think he is not worth it. Focuse now on your sick mother. Who knows how much time she still has in this world. If he is a good guy he will come back even if after a while.
If he never comes back he does not deserve your time.
Easier said than done sure! but you can do it. People are strongest when they face the toughest circumstances. You can find the strength inside you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2006
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 10:58am
Thank you for your advice. I know i have other things to focus on. Do u think we should stay in contact or should we not talk anymore? That is one thing I am really confused about.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2006
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 7:38pm

I'm confused by your situation. I think I'm missing something...

Why does he feel like you have to break up because you can't live with him in Florida right now and are going to take care of your mother? Isn't it okay for you to take care of your mother and then return to him in Florida?

If he's really ending the relationship over this I think it's a bad sign because if you were to get married, inevitably something would come up where you guys couldn't live in the same place for awhile... or you would have to care for another ailing parent or relative... and then what?

I'm probably missing something but that's my feeling about it.

What is happening in your life is completely normal, and if his relationship can't allow that than that's not so good.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 10:21pm

If you remain in contact, I only see more heartbreak for you. I mean, he's already going out, you aren't. That already hurts. He's said he wants to 'move on' so what happens when he starts dating someone seriously and/or sleeping with someone? More pain.

If you are thinking that at least you can lean on him a little, wean yourself, consider that he's already emotionally distant by his choice.

Don't settle for crumbs. JMO


Carrie