what should i do
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what should i do
| Mon, 09-19-2005 - 8:07pm |
My boyfriend has been divorced from his wife for over two years now and we have been dating in this time. The problem is that he and his ex-wife have a young child together, they have a court order where he gets the child every other weekend and most holidays. Okay here is where the problem is his wife is obsessed and calls him on some days anywhere from 1 to 20 times a day she really is taking the divorce hard and wants him back even though it has been two years she uses the child to talk to him and if he does not talk to her and kiss her ass then she will not let him talk on the phone to his child through out the week(he calls his son at night sometimes to see how his day at school was) and if he does chit chat with her he gets to take the child at a time when it is not in his court order like on a weekend where it may not be his time to have the child. The last couple of weeks she has not been letting him talk to his child and he blames me because i anwered the phone last week and when she asked for him i was polite and told her he was at work that he could be reached on his cell phone she was pissed because i was there and she has been calling all hours of the day and night she hangs up she is just calling to see if i live there are not. he said because she knows about us it is still upsetting her and he does not want me to anwser his phone anymore in case it is her. And that he does not want her to know that we are still together because even though she knew at some point we were together it upsets her and if she does not know either way if we are together then she cannot be upset and she will not withhold his time with his son.
but to me im not at her house waving a flag but i don't think that i should have to hide in the closet when she comes over either.
but to me im not at her house waving a flag but i don't think that i should have to hide in the closet when she comes over either.

Hi needhelp2005 :)
The only advice I have is perhaps posting your situation on one of these other boards:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlcouplescou
You don't want to hide. He wants you to hide. What compromise can you two reach? You could tell him you agree to do it his way for two months, that is long enough for a jealous Ex to get ahold of herself (except for psychos, and you just might be dealing with one).
One of the troubles I have with this situation is that he is so willing to appease her and let her force him to live his life in hiding. I have not walked in his moccasins, but I would be wary of this man. Keep your eyes open and ask yourself objectively: Is this a man who will stand up in this world, stand firm for what is right and work to protect the ones he loves? Or is he a person who skitters about keeping his head low and letting everyone else bear the heavy loads?
Another problem I have with this is that I hope you and his son are not spending great amounts of time together just yet? If his child learns to love you, and vice versa, it will be so much harder on that tiny soul if you should disappear from his life. We are told every day about how the traumas of our childhood are still affecting us into adult life. You don't want to be a trauma of this child's childhood, do you? Please be careful, and keep your eyes peeled.