What should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2003
What should I do?
10
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 4:37pm
I posted couple weeks ago when my ex broke up with me because he said he didn't think I was the one. Today, he texts me and says that he was an idiot and that he should never have let me go. I've been moving on with my life - keeping busy with friends and work, and finally stopped crying every night. But this just brought me back all the feelings I have been suppressing. What should I do? My friends think I shouldn't talk to him and part of me agrees and think that I should pull the Gloria Gaynor, "I will survive". But part of me also wants to find out what made him change his mind. Any advice?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 8:07pm
Ask yourself IF you want him back into your life. If you do then arraing a meeting with him over coffee or lunch. Listen to what he has to say and his reasons regarding his sudden change of mind. If you find then truthful and honest and you want to start a relationship with this man again then make a desicion. If you're not interested at all then let him know that he's not allowed into your life again.
Avatar for alsatia23
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 9:40pm

I agree with the previous poster, it is up to you, if you want to see him, then you should.







Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 9:46pm
Look deep inside yourself for what to do. Do you want to be back with him or do you want to rid your life of him? Follow your heart but if you decide to give him another chance, just keep your gaurd up. Good luck and keep us posted!!











Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2003
Sat, 12-04-2004 - 10:31am
If I follow my heart, I still think he is the one for me. But I have become skeptical - I agree with all of your comments about loneliness, him just using me, etc. I expressed all of these concerns with him last night over the phone. He assured me that that was not true. The reason why he broke it off with me was because he doubted his desire to be married and have a family - that's what he meant by me not being the one for him. But being apart made him realize that he does want all of that with me and he basically told me last night that he wants me to be his better half. I was not expecting this at all - since I thought all the time that his feelings for me disappeared. He said that he said all of those things because if he doubted marriage, he felt he was doubting his feelings. I think these two things are separate. I still don't know what to think. We're supposed to get together for a drink tonight. I'm so afraid. I don't want to be the cliche - getting back together with him and making a mistake. I'm just hoping I'll know what to say when I see him. . .
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2004
Sat, 12-04-2004 - 10:33pm
What made him change his mind? Probably the fact that he had a little sexual fling behind your back and now that he's gotten that out of his system, he wants you back. Happens all day, every day, all over the world. I'd do some serious investigation before taking him back. Ask him for computer passwords on the spot so you can check out e-mails, take a look at his phone bill and cell phone address book, etc. Or, perhaps he's having a dry spell during his freedom and needs you for a quick pick-me-up before he suddenly wants his space again (usually the morning after). Read the boards thoroughly, a high percentage of them are broken-hearted females who went back to their guys only to be dumped again immediately after sex. Read "Why Men Love Bitches" and "He's Scared, She's Scared" for lots of good info. Don't risk undoing all the healing you've experienced until you get all the facts. Good luck...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Sat, 12-04-2004 - 10:58pm
You should see what he has to say or else it will always be in the back of your mind because it is obvious that you still love him. As for the previous post, do not check his e-mails or cell phone that is a bad way to reunite. Whatever happened during this "break-up" leave it in the past and start anew if that is what you decide to do. Whatever is done in the dark will come to the light without you searching for it. I will advise you to take things slow. Do not pick up where you left off. Let him prove that he wants to be with you by putting action behind his words. Do not do what you think is best for him do what is best for you and that is taking time to make sure that HE is the one. Don't rush into anything and if he truly wants to right his wrong he will give you all the time you need. Good Luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2004
Mon, 12-06-2004 - 3:56am
In regards to previous post...Of course, if you like being ignorant of facts, if you enjoy pretending your ex didn't possibly have a sexual fling behind your back, if you want to pick up on your relationship where you left off and make-believe the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with isn't a future adulterer, then sure, be sweet and don't confront. Just be a sweet little wifey-wanna-be and don't make waves by having the courage to ask the tough questions. Or, you can pleasantly ask him to satisfy your concerns by convincing you that he truly is trustworthy. Better to be sweet and "feminine" than wise and self-protecting, right??? Better to have a relationship of any sort, even if it involves deception and delusion than asking for real information before proceeding into further heartache?! You choose, only you know the details. Listen to your heart AND your head. Good luck...
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
Mon, 12-06-2004 - 5:41pm

About the fling, MAKE SURE THERE IS EVIDENCE to support such a hasty presumption.

My ex and I broker up about 2 times before the finale. The first time he chalked it up to differences in religon, marriage prospects, etc. However, after nearly a week he begged to get back together saying he realized how important our love is, how wonderful I am, and even apologized to my family at the next time he saw them.

I thought for sure he was marriage material, however, when presented with those "doubts" you MUST be cautious, because it isn't necessarily anything specific - put simply: LOVE IS NOT A LOGICAL THOGHT PROCESS. People do not decide to turn it off or on based on a logical analysis of their marriage prospects.

If I may, without sounding too harsh, this guy is tattering the line about YOU, because he slightly thinks you may not be his match. This happens, it happened with me and from your posts, you are describing similar symptons.

I wouldn't dwell on an affair, UNLESS you have evidence - that is a stupid excuse or rationale for men's behavior. Not EVERYONE is a dog .

Be careful because, TRUST ME, the yo-yo thing is HORRIBLY painful and ends in a crash and a boom.

I'm even still going through it. BUT, I know, and we have discussed it - we are no good for eachother. The right person for you is the person that treats you with the unwavering emotion that you apply to him.

Best,
Abeth

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Mon, 12-06-2004 - 6:33pm
You never know until you at least talk to him. Make sure he is saying the things you need to hear to trust him again. Don't let him back in your life unless he's absolutely sure you are the one and he's ready to move to the next level and does it quickly. Good Luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 12-06-2004 - 7:21pm
I urge you to re-read my post before commenting. I did not advise her to ignore what may or may not have happened during the break up or to pick up where they left off. I specifically wrote not to pick up where they left off. I also suggested that she not go searching for proof by searching through his personal things. However, a conversation of what went on during the break up is merited not acting like inspector gadget. If there's not trust there's no point. I think if you check your man's cell phone, e-mail, etc. that is a habit best kept to yourself.