What upsets me the most...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2007
What upsets me the most...
6
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 9:37am

What upsets me the most about my break up is that he is a completely different person now than he was even a month ago. He is so angry and unhappy that he doesn't even resemble the nice, loving guy that would do anything for me. I think what I want is to get back the guy who I knew in the first several months of our relationship, before things got bad. I just don't know if he will ever come back and I hate that someone I was so close to has completely changed.

What's even worse is that at the end of this month he will be moving back to school where I am, and his house is about three down the street from mine. I can see his front porch from my bedroom window. This is going to be a problem because what if I have to see him? What if I see him with another girl? Even scarier, what if he doesn't call me when he moves back here wanting to get back together? Maybe thats what I'm hoping for.

Please help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2007
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 10:15am

Also, it upsets me a lot to think about how he could just throw everything we had together away so easily. It doesn't even matter to him. He is spending the summer mostly alone all the time, and yet during all this alone time he isn't missing me? Wanting to call me?

A lot of the posts I read on here involve the ex calling the woman they dumped, just to say I miss you or talk or whatever...this, I'm sure, will never happen for me. He doesn't miss me. How is that possible?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2007
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 10:28am
I really dont think it is possible. I am sure he does miss you. Guys are just able to control there feelings and avoid calling/contacting easier than women can. However, I feel the same way as you. Same situation with my ex and he hasnt initiated the contact once. I am at the point I am just saying screw it and am going to never initiate the contact again. He isnt going to want me back until he is able to actually start losing me and I now realize that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 1:36pm

Perhaps he's afraid to lose face by calling you, who knows? But look at it this way too...have you called him? Does that not also mean you don't miss him? No of course not.

Having him call you is sometimes like a double edged sword. It feels good, yes, but it throws you into this endless limbo. Especially when the call he gives you often isn't "Let's get back togther, I'm so stupid, I made a huge mistake", it's a lot of mixed signals "I miss you..but I need time...". Or other times, it's like the post somewhere on this board, where her ex came crawling back and she took him in....only to jump off the same heartbreak cliff a month later. The hard truth is we aren't in any position to deal with an ex coming back, not you nor I nor anyone else on this board.

I think this "He doesn't miss me" prays mostly on the fear that if he doesn't miss you, it invalidates everything you've done together. It doesn't. If you remember all your relationship, what makes you think he doesn't? I'm also sure you feel that...urgency..that if you don't fix it while he still feels something, you're going to lose that chance. I don't think it will. Something brought you together when you were strangers, and there's nothing to stop that from happening again. Furthermore, sometimes break ups happen because we get so clouded by the problems and personality flaws of the other person that we fail to see what brought us together in the first place.

So take the time to maybe examine your part in the relationship break down, give him time to remember the girl he fell in love with and forget the low points of your relationship. And if you look back and think this is a relationship that was truly good for the both of you, there's nothing to stop you from trying again.

- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2007
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 4:33pm
I am going to print this out and carry it with me. Thank you so much.
This is what I really needed to hear.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2007
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 2:20pm
I'm in that position, too. He has no interest in even saying hi???? I'm hurt that he so easily erased me from his life. There one day gone the next and he can care less. It's a real bummer. But I just take it day by day and I hope that some day it won't bother me anymore. I just keep telling myself that it wasn't meant to be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Fri, 08-10-2007 - 3:44am

I've had that happen to me before - where a guy seemed to completely not care that we had broken up. Really, it was just a front. As soon as I stopped caring too, he started calling again.

Though, that's not necessarily a good thing. I mean, it's great to need people, and to have them need you back... but really, honesty is so much better.