What A Way To Go Out
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| Sun, 05-14-2006 - 12:09am |
I'm in a relationship where I do love my fiance of 1 1/2 years, however we are very different when it comes to dealing with our relationship problems, raising my two boys (they are not his and he shows favortism to my oldest son), career goals, humor to a certain point, etc.... However, I've tried many times before to break things off with him in the past and he doesn't comply. You may ask, well it isn't HIS decision, but when he shows up at my doorstep, calls my mother, sends gifts, calls non-stop, calls the police and has them check up on me because I don't answer his calls, it can be very hard. We're even long distance and he's bought plane tickets to come out here at least 3 times that I've tried to break things off.
I'm moving in a month and he doesn't know where exactly I'm moving to. I plan on moving and not staying in touch. I plan on telling my mother to (very respectfully, mind you) to stay out of it and not share my info with him. He does know where I'm going to be working at, but I won't be reporting to work, until about 3 weeks after I move, so I'm hoping that by that time, he will have cut his own ties with me. I don't plan on answering my cell phone and plan on changing the number a couple weeks after I get to my destination.
I know this is harsh, but I don't know how else to break ties with him. I think after the comment he made to me....."My kids are not his kids" after he's said before that they are and even used them to his advantage when I tried to break up with him before... was the last straw. I do love him, however I don't want to spend the rest of my life with him.Do you think this is the right way for me to do this? I don't know how else? I feel like a trapped married woman.

Hello,
I think that moving WITHOUT him knowing you are moving is a great idea. Change your Cellphone number too. I dont think you should tell him ahead of time, I think that would cause a huge problem and he may act in desperation. Just leave and that's it. You do not owe him an explaination.
Good Luck
~Lisa
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/bec74
Were you going to be moving anyway regardless of the situation with him, or are you moving because of him, to get away from him? If you were going to be moving anyway, then I think moving and not telling him where you are going is a good idea. I also think it is a good idea not to mention to him that you are leaving anywhere ahead of time. Under other more normal circumstances, I might have said to tell him. But given the history of his behavior, I bet if you told him he would only harrass you into telling him where you are moving to and spoil your plan.
If you are only moving because of him, then that seems a bit drastic. Plus, it may not necessarily be the best solution because if he is really determined to find you, he could still probably find a way to do it. There are other ways to deal with all of the things he is doing. When he sends you gifts, you can keep the package closed, and write "RETURN TO SENDER" in big capital letters on the package, and the post office will have to send it back to him unopened. If he shows up on your doorstep, you check to see who it is before opening the door, and if it's him, you don't open it. If he parks out on your doorstep and doesn't leave, then you call the police for harrassment charges. If he calls you, then if you have caller ID and you see it's his number, you don't pick up. Or if there's no way to tell who it is, you hang up as soon as you hear his voice. You may also want to check with your phone company as there is probably a way to block his phone number. If he calls the police to check up on you because you aren't answering, then you should explain the situation to them and ask if you could file harrassment charges against him. The police don't like their time wasted on non-sense like what he's doing so they would probably be happy to help you, especially if you mention that it's happened before.
Be prepared that if you do all of these things, his behavior will probably escalate even more for a while as he gets more desperate to reach you. But if you decide that this is something important enough to you that you are going to remain firm no matter what, then eventually he will give up. I can't tell you how long it will take. It could be much longer than you think or it may not be, but eventually he will get really bored of not getting a reaction and give up. Plus, as you get more practice ignoring his antics, with time it will get easier to do, so even if it takes longer than you think, it may not be as bad as you think. Even if you are moving, he might still manage to find you, so be prepared to still do all of this stuff should you have to. Good luck.