what is wrong with me...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2006
what is wrong with me...
3
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 11:34am
I have probably posted enough on this site at this point but I still need reassurance and don't have many friends to talk to... I confronted my boyfriend about the girl he had been seeing while we were dating and told him to be completely honest with me. Of course he wasn't... telling me he saw her once and slept with her once and that he called things off with her when I found out about her. The girl called me (she had found out about me and prior did not know about me, being pregnant or still with him) and told me everything... they have been seeing each other for weeks (him and I broke up a week ago) and they have had a very intimate relationship. She even stayed with him for a week almost 2 weeks ago. When she found out about me she tried to call things off with him. (Now I think she's gone back to him but that's beside the point) He has been romancing her obviously and flirting and sleeping with her, and I am so hurt. He is obviously a scumbag who can't tell the truth and I should be able to just walk away right? Say "your loss" and move on, maybe it's because I'm pregnant. I just need some advice and reassurance that he is a jerk and I don't need him. I can't sleep I haven't been able to hold down much food and like I said I am pregnant, 8 months pregnant, so add to all of that the guilt I feel that my child has to endure this stress as an innocent bystander. What is wrong with me, why can't I see him as a liar and a jerk and not feel so much pain? I was never in love with him and he was never very good to me. What is wrong with me...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2007
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 12:30pm
Dear crazybeautiful2, may be I'm not old and experienced enough to give advises, and I myself have been going through a lot of stress lately (and I don't have a lot of friends as well), but in this case I tell you what, this guy is a complete jerk who doesn't care about anything (not even the girl he was seeing while being with you), he doesn't worth all the trouble and your stress, think of yourself and especially your child. See the end of this relationship as a relieve and "blessing" because this guy (who is not faithful lying disrespecting jerk) never gonna be any good. And you say you never was in love with him, that makes everything even easier, I don't really understand why you stayed around him at first place when u found out about him seeing someone else if u wasn't in love with him(well, and then he lied to you more). Think of yourself and a baby, and everything will be great believe me, just try to throw away all thoughts of this heartless lying jerk (who you never loved). And there is nothing wrong with you, you seem as a good carrying. personGood luck to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 7:33pm

Hi crazybeautiful, He is a jerk and

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Sun, 08-26-2007 - 11:29am

Being pregnant can be difficult even with a loving partner, I can only imagine what you must be feeling right now.

I've attached two posts I've written when gals found themselves in similar situations as you (boyfriend MIA as soon as the pregnancy was discovered, to the point they were going out with someone else) so know you're not the only one this has ever happened to. Sounds really odd to find some comfort in that, but I think you might. You might want to do a search on them and see what their resolution finally was.

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlbreaking/?msg=22862.3

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlbreaking/?msg=22382.4

The point from those I'm trying to get across to you is that no matter how much you would love for him to be even remotely interested in his own child, he truthfully is not and has made it very clear he's not much more than a sperm donor. I'm just calling him like I'm seeing his actions. Just because YOU feel that someone who is the biological parent should be allowed in the delivery room, that doesn't mean he actually wants that. You're looking at it from the perspective that a decent person would want that and should have that, that's a reflection of YOU and your values, it most definitely is not a reflection of what he's all about.

Your life does NOT have to be defined by what he does. Look at him! Is he really someone you want to allow into your life with his negative actions and negative influence? Don't look at him as your ex-boyfriend, look at him as a man, as just any man and see does he measure up to the type of person who can add value to your life? I'm going to go out on a limb here and say he does not. :)

This child is being brought into your life in order to show YOU how strong you can really be, because this baby will test your strength on all levels. Showing and exercising that strength, that starts TODAY. Dump the jerk.

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