(((Hugs))) Sweetie, I know this is hard but I think that maybe breaking up would be the best option for you. You're obviously not happy in your relationship.....if you were you wouldn't be kissing other people and this thing over the weekend wouldn't have happened. Not to mention the things you've posted about your relationship in the past and how you can't even talk openly and it causes you to lose sleep.....this isn't healthy. I think you know that and I think you need to look deep inside yourself for the answers to your questions. Are you sure the reason you don't want to end things is because the realtionship is sooo familiar...kind of like a security blanket? These are just my thoughts and this is your life and you need to do what's best for you. I wish you the best of luck no matter what you decide and we're here if you need us!!
I wanted to say thank you for saying you are there if I needed it. I just saw a therapist today and of course nothing was resolved (probably so she can make more money by having me come back). I am just very confused. I don’t know, it could be a security blanket situation w/my boyfriend. He is being really kind to me lately and it is really confusing, to tell you the truth. Of course, there are always the minor criticisms towards me (about my brush in the wrong place in the bathroom, what I want to watch on tv *always his decision, and even when he walks out of the room and says I can watch what I want, he always complains if it isn’t something he wants to watch, etc); but all in all he is trying I think. What I don’t know is if I’ve given up or not. I almost don’t want him to be nice to me because I feel that I don’t deserve it anymore. I think I used to deserve it, but now I hate myself so incredibly much that I don’t. And I do love him, its just a matter of loving him as my boyfriend and potential husband and father to my unborn children some day. That is what I am dealing with most heavily. I do feel so conflicted, and don’t know what has caused me to act out this way. My therapist said it could be b/c of unresolved issues from the possible rape thing that happened---that I needed him emotionally and he used it against me. Who knows.
I wanted to know if anyone else has gone through this or not? And if they have, is there ANY resolve besides breaking up? I just don’t know that I am ready to lose everything I know and love in my life. What if it’s the wrong choice???? Thank you for letting me vent, I do need it.
I wanted to know if anyone else has gone through this or not? And if they have, is there ANY resolve besides breaking up? I just don’t know that I am ready to lose everything I know and love in my life. What if it’s the wrong choice???? Thank you for letting me vent, I do need it.