What's with this "friends" thing??

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
What's with this "friends" thing??
22
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 12:10am

So I've read everyone's posts and realized that we are all in the same situation, or at least most of us are. These men, they dump us but tell us how much they want to be friends. What is with these men!?! Is it a problem that they cannot make up their minds, or they just want to hang onto us incase something better does not come along? Are they just not brave enough to say "sorry this isn't going to work"? I know in my situation, my ex had emotional issues and it was quite different from others here, but also he wanted the friends thing. Do they not get how much hanging onto us hurts us? You simply CANNOT change a relationship from being intimate to suddenly being a buddy you hang out with, no touching involved. But THEN there is the confusing signals. So even though you've technically broken up, he still wants to cuddle with you and put his arm around you (but kissing is off limits :S) ... what IS this?? Did this happen in our parents generation or is this something that's a trend with young males today?

That's my rant for tonight. I'm sure you can all relate to it!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2006
Fri, 05-26-2006 - 9:13pm
OMG I'm going through this right now. After we broke up which was 2 months ago we had some space. But then when we see each other he's all flirty and wanting more, crazy me giving in every time. I'm just keeping my options open, I'm trying not to fall in his trap again. If he really wants you back he would flat out tell you. Give him some space if he never calls again don't try to call him. It's so hard to do I hate it, I feel like dirt. But I want to move on and I bet you do too. Maybe you guys will be friends down the road. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2006
Sun, 05-28-2006 - 4:14pm
I agree w/ this response. When I decided to end my marriage, I told my ex that I would like to be friends - for the same reason. I cared for him and couldn't see him not being in my life. His response was probably what I would have said - he couldn't be friends w/ me, not now, it's too hard. I can't even remember what else was said, but that was the gist of it. Now I'm going through my own break-up where he ended it and he said he would like to remain friends. He said he has never wanted to do that before but likes having me be a part of his life. I told him that I couldn't be friends w/ him. Why would I want to be w/ someone, as just a friend, knowing that there couldn't be anything more. There would be "those feelings" that guy/girl friends can't have. So now I completely understand what my ex was thinking. I guess it can happen as long as "those feelings" are completely gone. When you can be honestly happy for the other, if, e.g., they are in a new relationship, etc. All in all, I would agree that not every time someone says they want to be friends after breaking up, do they mean it out of guilt/pity. They probably do truly care for you, want you to continue to be a part of their life, but not as more than just friends.

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