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| Sun, 08-21-2005 - 6:23pm |
Here goes, this is my story, i hope someone has some kind of helpful feedback.
It all started about a year and 1/2 ago. I met this really great guy, became very close to him in a very short while and we became best friends. This is rare for me considering i dont have many guy friends and dont let myself get close to ppl so quickly or easily. We have both expressed how comfortable we are with eachother and how glad we are to have eachother in our lives. (Not to mention, he was my first for a lot of milestones, yes sad as it may be, being that i was 21 at the time, he was my first kiss, my first time having sex, and my first boyfriend, so you all can understand the attachment on my part at least.) One thing leads to another, we soon become "friends with benefits", maybe not the best idea in the world. Shortly after, we started dating, maybe mistake #2. When we first starting dating,about 6 months ago, and all through our relationship, we always said that we would remain friends no matter what. Very recently, he broke up with me, his reason being that we were on two different levels (which i agree) and that his feelings for me havent changed since the conversion between "just friends" and boyfriend/girlfriend (quite confusing on my part). Of course i was hurt and confused, I am just now starting to come to terms with the breakup. I understand that the longer it might have gone on, the more hurt I would have been. We both still want to be friends and of course we wont be as close as we were before everything, not right away anyway. The thing is I dont know how to be friends with him, knowing that my feelings for him run deeper than his feelings towards me. I know its going to hurt when he starts seeing other girls and i dont want to lose him as a friend, I dont know what to do. How can i be his friend without being hurt when he moves on? Can it be done?

I sort of came out of a similar situation. I started dating my first everything -- kiss, sex, boyfriend etc, like you, when I was 20. We were best friends, and I let him get closer to me than I did anyone else in my life.
We spent 7 years together, off and on, but always were very close friends. We became engaged and began to plan a wedding, when we realized several months in that it was a mistake. We were two very different people who couldn't live together, but no doubt loved each other.
He has since moved on, meeting a woman more suited for him and marrying. It did kill me at first, but I will tell you how I got through it. He forced no contact for a month (after he met new girl) which I reluctantly agreed to. It was very very hard at first...not talking to the person who I've told everything to for 7 years, (as I said he was my best friend as well).
It slowly got easier though and I found myself getting through a whole day without even thinking of him...until one day he called me. He said it's been a month and wanted to know how things were going. It completely blew me away, since I figured he'd gotten married and moved on, forgetting completely about me. Boy, was I wrong! He missed our friendship just as much as I missed it...he told me that he wished someday his wife would be as close to him as he and I had become...because he too felt like I was the only person he ever let get so close to him.
We don't really get to see each other though, because new wife objected. I've seen him and communicated with him off and on, here and there, since then and I have to be honest, it's a good mix. The first time I saw him in person was very strange and I was very concerned that my old feelings would come back. We hugged...and it felt nice, I'd missed it...but it didn't feel the same (in love) like before...and that felt nice! It was nice to know that I was finally over him, but still loved him as a friend.
So long story short...my advice to you would be to cut off communication with him for a specific amount of time...and allow yourself to grieve the loss of him. And once you're over him in that sense you'll be able to rebuild your friendship once again. I know that my ex and I will never have the closeness that we once had, obviously, but it's nice to know that we can be friendly and still be present in each other's lives.
Good luck to you and keep us posted! :)