What's next?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2007
What's next?
3
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 9:07pm

So I've posted on here a few times about my situation, but I was desperately sad then, a lot has changed now.

I successfully managed not to contact my ex for about a month and a half after he broke up with me... I think it might be closer to two.
This morning I get a text message from him saying what's up. We talk via text message for a brief time, and he ended up throwing in some things like:

"I shouldn't tell you this, but I miss you."
"I really hope in the near future that we become friends."

and even some insecure moments like:

"did you think I was a good boyfriend? Be honest"

I didn't really respond to this part of our conversation because I honestly didn't know what to say. I am so tired of saying the wrong thing, getting too deep and heavy is what drove him away in the first place.

Also.
He has been making a lot of drastic changes in his life. He quit smoking cigarettes AND pot. He started going to church (I'm neither for or against that). And made a responsible decision not to move out with his unreliable, drugged up brother (which he was debating before we broke up).

He also asked me if I was seeing anyone. I said that I "am enjoying summer for what it is."
Because honestly I have been seeing someone. Casually. Not serious or anything. And I see it ending pretty soon.
So then I returned the question...
He said that he was making new friends at work. Which probably means yes.

I just don't know what to make of any of this. I saw myself getting to this point, but I guess I didn't realize what I should do next.

I had gotten pretty comfortable with the fact that we would never be together again. Although I loved him and we were together for 3 years, and I really would like to be in his life again.

I want to start casually hanging out. Grabbing lunch and simple stuff like that. Get to know him all over again. Take a second chance at it. See if it's what I really want.

I just don't know what to say to him in the mean time.

Do I ask him out? Wait for him to ask me?

Or am I kidding myself and he was just being friendly, And he doesn't really want to start up again?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 11:19pm

Welcome to the board yourfavoriteashley,


Remember this:


"I shouldn't tell you this, but I miss you."
"I really hope in the near future that we become friends."


This does NOT say, I want to get back together with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 8:06am

yourfavoriteashley..

First...Pianoguy likes your ivillage user name. It conjures up all kinds of images inside his head!

Why not take 30 days off..."stop and smell the roses and lilacs"...and then see if there's any serious interest on his part?

I'm not a big fan of the "we can still be friends" theory. Especially if I've been REALLY SERIOUS WITH A WOMAN FOR A LONG PERIOD OF TIME.

You need to 'cleanse yourself of one habit' before attempting to change the direction and give friendship a try? Sometimes this is possible...other times IT ISN'T!

Good Luck!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 11:25am

Hi,

I think it's a bad idea to try again right now. I know that's sorta straight forward for me to say not knowing the whole situation or you.

So I'm pulling from my recent past . . . I'm coming out of an 8 yr relationship - we broke up last yr - and i've been going through the whole maybe/maybe not ever since. Everyone is different and there are people who work out but what i've learned is that him missing you or still loving you is completely natural. In fact, he may always but that doesn't mean he wants to be with you.

I think that to fully be able to have a friendship with an ex you need to be over them. So say you make your move and he's not ready or not sure - you'll end up being his friend while he's out dating and hooking up or whatever and then you're starting the mourning process over.

You've come really far not talking to him for so long, I was never able to last more then a couple weeks. Let things slowly progress. . . if he's interested make sure it's for more then the chase. Lets face it both guys/girls want what they can't have.

I don't know the details of your break up - Im new to the board - but maybe he's learning that the grass isn't always greener. And if he does want to eventually work things out and you do too - that's great - but I'd just say go at turtle speed.