Whats wrong with me??

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
Whats wrong with me??
4
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 6:47pm
Me and my boyfriend have been brok up for 2 months...and I've spent all summer trying to get him back. It seemed like it was working, until last weekend. I still cant get over him, and im totally obsessed with him and getting him back, although everyone tells me he isnt worth it and I can do so much better. I dont know why i cant get over him? Anyone have any advice on how to fix things or how to get over it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 7:07pm
Jennifer,

As much as it hurts, you can't make things better with a person that doesn't want to be in a relationship, period.

As for healing, you can take steps to help the process. First, you realize you are obsessing so how take the time to figure out why....see if any of these ring true for you - you are afraid of being alone? You feel if he doesn't want to be with you then something must be wrong with you, so getting him back is important to 'prove' you are 'good', 'worthy' great or whatever? You hold on to him because you think no one else will want you? Or that you will never love again?

Finding your self-worth and boosting your self-esteem right now is very important. Remember YOU are NOT less than because of his actions, choices, behavior or decisions, including the one that ended the relationship.

Healing ideas - 1) start journal writing daily, vent on paper, cry, if need be for what you feel you lost, 2) grieve for what could have been, for what might have been, for what you hoped would have been, 3) make a list of things you enjoy and start doing them, this can include going out with friends, taking a class in something you've always wanted to learn more about, doing volunteer work even 4) take care of you, treat yourself kindly, you will have good days and bad days - get a massage, take yoga, take a bubble bath, read a good book (see list below), go for a walk, buy yourself flower, get a manicure/pedicure.

Reading material to consider:

Don’t Call that Man – The Survival Guide to Letting Go – Rhonda Finding

Rebuilding When a Relationship Ends, Bruce Fisher

Olive Juice...and Other Thoughts on Love, Heartbreak and Moving Forward by Eric Champnella

I Used to Miss Him...But My Aim is Improving: Not Your Ordinary Breakup Survival Guide by Alison James

How to Raise Your Self-Esteem, Nathaniel Brandon

Learning to Love Yourself: Finding Your Self-Worth, by Sharon Wegscheider Cruse

Self Matters, Phil McGraw

The Aladdin Factor, Jack Canfield & Mark Victor Hansen

The Magic of Thinking Big, David J. Schwartz

My best to you on your healing path.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 7:34pm
Thanks for the advice. The thing is, I dont think I was really happy with him from the beginning. He never gives anything. I can do anything for him, but get nothing in return. I think mabey it's more of a you always want what you can't have kind of situation. Im really depressed over this. I wiuld do anything to get him back. How can I make him come back to me?? I've never left him alone or tried to get over him. I've always been at his beck and call.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 7:36pm
A lot of men like the chase. If you are at his beck and call, he never has time to miss you, to wonder what you are up to.

Even if you get him back (an ego boost in that moment) how long would you be happy? If you weren't happy from the beginning, but stayed anyway, you need to get to the bottom of that issue.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2004
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 9:19am
I know, same thing with me. It's very difficult. I even got down on my knees and begged him not to move out of our apartment, but he did. Sometimes, the more we think it will work, the more it won't. Now, all you can do is not call. Don't call him. Don't talk to him. It's so hard at first, it's like an addiction. But step away. I realized, the more I tried to push us together, the further we were pushed apart. I watched the movie "Swingers" which is about a guy in the same situation as us, but it helps. it helps to realize that we're normal, that there's nothing wrong with you. Your just hurt. It's time to start recovering though instead of just hurting yourself over and over again. If you saw a friend walking into a brick wall over and over, you'd stop her. Do the same for you. he is a brick wall. better walk away with some bruises, then spend the rest of your life there.

Good luck, friend. May we all have hope and men with bodies like Olympic swimmers in our future.