What's wrong with me?? When will I learn

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
What's wrong with me?? When will I learn
5
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 12:26am
Is there something wrong with me? ..I seriously think there is..I broke up with my exbf of 2 ½ years 4 months ago and I did what everyone told me to do or tried to. Move on, learn from your mistakes, start dating, etc. Well I met this guy a few weeks ago at a work function. When we met it was obvious that the interest and attraction for each other was mutual. Anyway, he emailed me a couple of days later telling me how gaga and excited he was to have met me and how much he wants to take me out on a date. I was nervous and excited about this guy, cause he was fun, cool and very attractive, plus meeting this new guy actually made me forget about my ex. So last Tuesday night we went out on our first date, well to make a long story short, we ended up sleeping together (yes I know!)..I didn’t want to and I wasn’t planning to. But a woman has needs too you know and I really wanted him. And I really did like him. And now it’s Sunday, and the only thing I got from him was an email the next morning that said “hey there, great evening yesterday. You’re awesome! I was crashed last night. Have a great day today.” I haven’t heard from him since. It’s been 5 days since the date and nothing. I feel just awful and know that after 5 days of not hearing from a guy after a date it usually is the “He’s just not that into you” thing. And now I feel like complete sh*t. I just wish I didn’t sleep with him on the first date, but I can’t take that back and now I regret it. This isn’t the first time I’ve made dumb moves like this. The question is, when am I going to learn??? And what’s wrong with me? Am I that bad of a person?? I just keep thinking what he must think of me now..Feeling like total crap right now ..Thanks for listening.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 12:38pm

Can I just say one thing about the "he's not that into you" philosophy?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2006
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 2:11pm
HI! I know how you feel. I felt the same way about someone at work. I wasn't even attracted to him at first at all. Then after about a month of him tryin to talk to me and coming up to me and started joking with me then joking transitioned into flirting then after a while i started flirting back with him then we went out to lunch before work one day and then the main attraction started. I realized that i wanted to know him more so we started spending breaks together then that lead to kisses during breaks but nothing more than kissing. Then he got a new job somewhere else and i didn't here from him at all for almost 2 weeks well it'll be almost 2 wks by the time i see him again. I felt all depressed and wondered what the h*ll just happened. So I sent him an email after a few days telling him just what i thought and i didn't care if it hurt his feelings or not. 2 days later he finally got the email i sent him and he immediately called me and left me a voice mail saying how hurt he was by my email and how he wants to see me before work. I'm not sure how it going to go yet but i guess i'll find out tonight before work.I've also done the "1st date thing" before and wondered what happend and why nothing ever came of it, and felt really bad because of it that's why i thought i would approach this new situation different but it still ended up the same.. well maybe ...we'll see what happens.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 2:38pm

no obviously nothing is wrong with you dear..your right sometimes we need that too..you know!! esp if we get used to it on our previous bf...is just a craving for us.

anyways like you say you cannot take it back anymore...well guys dont understand that. for them IS A BIG TURN OFF...IF WE GIVE IT OUT THAT FAST TO THEM RIGHT??

well whats important now is WE HAVE TO LEARN FOR WHAT WE EXPERIENCE RIGHT?? past is past...now we have to think what comes next....GOOD LUCK

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2006
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 3:01pm

You are NOT a bad person, everybody is vulnerable at one time or another, you got caught off guard when you were in a bad state... You have to pick yourself and move on AND forget about your ex. Get yourself really involved in stuff, get a gym membership, get really, really busy and find stuff that you enjoy without feeling the need for your ex in your life. It will be tough, but work on getting you as best as you can get you and you'll be fine.

Keep your chin up and forget about that night, you can't change it and you'll only hurt yourself if you continue to beat yourself up over it.

Take care and good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 11:42pm
Thank you all for your input. I really do appreciate everyone's support and encouragement. I know I have to work hard on myself and still have so much to learn and grow. I knew I shouldn't have slept with him on the first date, everything in me told me it was bad bad bad. But yet I gave into temptation and let my physical needs overcome me. And now I am paying for it emotionally. The only thing I have to look and move forward and know not to make the same stupid mistake again!