When do you leave????help!!!!
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When do you leave????help!!!!
| Mon, 12-04-2006 - 1:13pm |
My husband and I have always had communication problems (he doesn't) but the last few years I have made a complete change. I've always felt like our marriage was doomed from the start, pretty much selfsabotaging our marriage, I think because everyone I know has had a divorce. But I got over it and really thrived in the the thought that this is my husband and he loves me no matter what forever. But he on the other hand has just completely dropped the ball, he is totally irresponsible, I can't count on him for anything, has a horrible temper, there is no team work, he has broke, put holes in, and punched everything in our house in fits of rage . He as always been known as the nicest most quiet guy to everyone on the outside and it used to take a lot to get him mad but lately he looses it over everything. I know that he's stressed, he works 9-5 and has a painting business on the side plus he has started hanging peoples christmas lights, so we never see him...oh ya and we have 3 girls 6,3,1 1/2. I have forgiven him over and over again and it's taken me a long time to get to this point but I think we need to separate. I'm scared to death because i'm a stay at home mom and i'm wooried about our kids. I know he will flip out. How do I know this is the right thing to do

nickimarie79...
Pianoguy read your post 3 times....and came up with the same two scenerios:
1. You've either set your marital standards too high and your husband can't possibly follow them?
or
2. You're looking for an excuse to get out of a miserable situation (aka YOUR MARRIAGE)?
It's clear (to PG anyway) that your husband is upset about something...or...someone? Have you ever tried to talk with him?
If your answer is YES...then you can always "talk things out with a professional" and perhaps...get your husband interested in joining you? When a 3rd party (who doesn't know either one of you) is called in...there's usually an issue or two that both spouses will bring up that the other wasn't aware of?
I guess if you feel that your husband's attitude towards you (and his children) CAN'T BE CORRECTED...you're looking for permission to file for divorce? Or perhaps a trial separation? Keep in mind that you'll probably have to pay a lot of money to a lawyer or legal advisor...and that "at least one arbitration hearing" will happen before either one of you can move forward?
Maybe I'm way off base here? But I think there's 'a little more to your story' than what you've told us in your post?
Pianoguy
First off sweetie. Don't make any excuses for this man. Cause we all have to work, and spending time with his beautiful wife who gave him 3 beautiful children should ALWAYS be a priority. If he does not make you feel special and instead makes you feel terrible about yourself then now is the time to start asking yourself is this really worth it? As for getting back on your feet don't worry bout that, cause when he needs to start paying child support he's going to wish he treated you better. Do what you feel is right in your head I would say heart but sometimes that fails.....
Stay Strong!
:: he has broke, put holes in, and punched everything in our house in fits of rage
Your guy needs to be in anger management. Are your girls seeing his rages? Do you want them to pick husbands that are just like their father?
Have you approached him with going to counseling together? Let the counselor tell him he needs anger management.
Carrie
gray004,
All of PG's responses are ONE MAN'S OPINION! It doesn't necessarily mean they're right or wrong? Some ivillagers choose to avoid them which is certainly their right to do so?
Since I don't know you and your husband...nor reside in your household, I can only base my thoughts on the attitude of the words you use. "Sugar coating" is not present in the majority of my ivillage responses.
But speaking from experience (2 marriages and a 4-year relationship) I can tell you this:
If a woman constantly nags at her husband, b/f or ANY MAN...whether she feels it's for his own good or because it's her way of feeling superior...WE'LL TUNE YOU OUT AND/OR "TURN ON YOU!!!"
Most men don't relinquish their Moms for the purpose of being 'replaced' by a similar mother-like figure in a wife or a g/f! There's a very fine line between having a "concerned companion" who can tactfully offer us her suggestions...as opposed to BEING BULLIED BY SOMEONE WHO FEELS IT'S THE PROPER WAY TO TREAT US! Frankly, I know of very few men who tolerate that type of 'feminine attitude?' There are some issues about our personality we can correct...and others that will NEVER be fixed the way a woman might wish us to??
If you HONESTLY want "a happy & stable marriage" (as you indicated in your response to me)...you MIGHT want to call in a professional who has the fortitude to listen to your side of the story...as well as your husband's?
It's clear the 2 of you CAN'T work things out on your own AS A COUPLE??
Pianoguy