When Does the pain go away?
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When Does the pain go away?
| Tue, 07-11-2006 - 2:34pm |
Ok so its hasnt been that long but after a few years together, I think that it takes time I dont know. Why is it that we have relationships that just fail, I mean nobody wants toget hurt. I was with this guy for almost two years and he was my first true love and my First Lover. He has always been there when I needed him and he has been there with me through it all. My family crisis and everything else. We had our disagreements and our fights. Like any normal couple. But then out of the blue we had been doing really well he tell me that its over. We arent compatiable. And then just left me. I mean he's just being so cold and Ive cried to him thinking that he would take me back, but he is just done. And it hurts that the one person that I love doesnt love me enough to have me back. I feel like I cant go on again and he is like lets see what happens and what else is out there and what the future holds. I dont want to I just want him. Why cant he see that . All I do is cry and cry and leave the Tv on till about 6 am and then finally turn it off. I sleep with a stuffed animal that he got me on one of our special trips and then I cuddle our dog. And all the memories when does this pain just go away and how come he is handling it so well? Why????

The dumpers always take it well. At least better.
I was told that it takes half the time you were together to get over it. I hope that's not true for some of those longer-lasting relationships, but at least for you, it is something to measure.
But you have to try to get over it.
Look up other sites to help you. (Put "Breakup Survival" in your google search). Get some books ("He's Just Not Into You" and "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken"). Check this article out: http://www.salterrae.ca/archive/2004/6/article17.php
Keep in mind that he didn't want to hurt you. But he felt that in the long run, for both of you to be happy, it needed to end.
Edited 7/11/2006 2:46 pm ET by webevie
I'm so sorry you are going through this, but everyone on this board has been through it too, and we can give you some great advice and insight.
The pain may never go away, but it eventually tapers off into a dull throbbing. My break-up was almost 3 months ago, my ex and I were together 4.5 years, He is 22, I'm 21. Like you he was my first love, first everything really. He still loves me, but we both needed this to find out if we truly wanted to be with eachother.
My advice to you would be to stop contacting him. Give yourself some time to heal. I did this for 4 weeks and when I finally did contact him I could do it without crying and trying to get him back. We now talk about once every 2 weeks or so.
I'm going to give you some great advice someone on here gave me once:
"You need to move on with your life. Moving on doesn't mean that you don't still love him or that you won't get back together one day, it just means you are moving on. Do you really want to waste your life away waiting and pining for someone who didn't want you and would rather be without you."
It sound kinda harsh, but it's so true.
TRUST me when I say it does get better. But time isn't the only thing that makes it better, you have to do that change from within. Find your inner strength to get you through.
Remember if you are supposed to be with him then you will be.
Right now, let him wonder, let him miss you. Don't give him the satisfaction of seeing you cry and depressed. Men like to chase, they don't like to be chased.
Hope I helped, and if you have any questions, you can e-mail me.
~Amber~
It broke my heart to read your post because like many(if not all) of us here are where you are right now or have been there. It just brought back what feelings I once felt. I actually posted on here a while back with the same subject line.."When does the pain go away." I'm so sorry for your pain right now. I truely am, and my heart goes out to you.
If only there were an answer to that question, but unfortunately there isn't...but i will tell you this...with time, hard work, and a lot of prayer, you will get through this. And yes, it doesn't feel like it now...but it will get easier. It will be a painful, but at times rewarding/eye opening journey. My situation/break up was different from yours, but heartache is heartache, and longing to be with someone no matter what the situation still brings the same sadness and sorrow, so I know how you feel right now. I never thought i'd ever stop feeling pain/sadness either, and at times i really lost faith that i would get through my break up....granted it took me almost 2 years(we were together for 4, so maybe there's truth in the whole, "it takes half the time you were together to get over the break up)...It wasn't just time, i'm sure that had a little factor in it, but it took a lot of reflecting on myself, searching within, prayer, and just a lot of hard work in order to get through that very difficult time in my life, but i made it through, and so can you. My ex and i never did the "no contact" thing...we attempted many times, and the most we prob. did it for was 3 weeks(once)...so that may have made my healing a little more difficult, but it's still possible..it really just depends on the two individuals involved.
"If God brings you to it - he will bring you through it"
" The only way out is through"
" A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."
" Your strength will grow stronger by being tried."
Take Care.