When an Ex owes you money???

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
When an Ex owes you money???
9
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 5:56pm
What do you do when your ex owes you money & you honestly feel a need to collect whatever you can? It's been 5 months, I'm dealing with someone so much better but the thought of him not paying me & thinking he got away with it is driving me crazy. A while ago I was told to chalk it up and move on otherwise he'd think I was using the money to get to him & that I didn't want to be considered his sugar mommy but should I try to collect something???
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 6:00pm
Honey, I say make the man pay! I get so pissed off when I think of all the money I spent on my ex. Wasted time, effort, money...I wish I could get some of mine back! Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 6:19pm
How much money are we talking about?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 6:23pm
$2500 but he's making it hard for me. He thinks that I'm using the money because we're not together but the thought of walking away just isn't right..
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2006
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 7:46pm

If we're talking thousands of dollars, you need to collect! I had an eternally cash-strapped ex who owed me $5,000. Via a series of no-nonsense emails, I made it clear that either he devise some kind of regular repayment schedule or I would not hesitate to take him to small claims court and get his wages garnished. That seemed to do the trick, and I started getting $250 checks every two weeks. It took him a while to pay me back, but the threat of court kept those checks coming. I resented having to continue dealing with him after our breakup, but I would have resented even more being out several thousand dollars.

I don't know what the minimum threshold for small claims court is, but unless your ex is a lawyer, he probably doesn't either, and the threat of legal action might light a fire under his @ss.

Good luck!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 8:14pm

It really depends, IMO, on how much you need the money (or how strongly you feel about the principle of the thing) vs. how much being in contact with him to collect it will impede your healing process. Is the money worth the emotional price you'll pay to get it, or not?

I would NOT decide based on what HE thinks or might think...that should not enter the equation, IMO.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 11:00pm

So, are you using that as an excuse to keep in contact for a longer period of time?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2006
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 8:41am

I say get that money back! I just dealt with this myself. I made my ex pay back every red cent he owed me. I did it via paypal requests and emails. I did want to get back together with him but the money was a separate issue. In the end... he was really rude and irresponsible about paying what he owed AFTER the breakup and I no longer have any desire to be involved with him, even as friends.

Write out an email detailing how he should pay you back i.e. $200 every month or every two weeks or whatever you guys can agree to. Make it clear you have no desire to get back with him, you just want what is yours. If he does not agree to some sort of payment schedule and does not stick to it, let him know you will either contact a lawyer or his parents (that will usually do the trick).

Be strong! Don't let him make you feel guilty or cheap about asking for your money back!

Also... learn this lesson for the future: NEVER loan money to your SO. It changes the dynamics of the relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2006
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 8:58am

Turn it over to a collection agency or other official group and make him legally pay. This is a rather large amount. DOn't let him take advantage of you, but also, don't make this personal and try to use feelings and guilt in the matter in any way. He owes you money, treat it as a business transaction and just get it taken care of..

Find out if you can get his wages garnished in any way. Some states make this difficult, but I'd talk to a lawyer or someone and find out.

(((hugs and prayers))))

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 10:38am
Thanks everyone who has responded & yesterday I received an email from my ex stating that he can pay me $1000 by the beginning of August. A part of me wants to at least take that & run & be rid of him since I've got some sort of documentation via email because I am in a wonderful relationship & don't want to damage it in any way. Another part of me says charge it all to the game & keep moving on. I've come so, so far in getting over him that I honestly feel good about myself & want no part of him. One main thing I've learned is that if a man is bummy & broke, leave him that way, life is too short for B.S. Especially if you're not married to him. Trust me everyone, I've learned a huge lesson here and it won't happen again. Any responses to what I've decided to do is greatly appreciated..I am just so tired of this craziness & deserve to be happy.


Edited 6/21/2006 10:47 am ET by dreed9