when he contacts you right after...
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| Mon, 08-23-2004 - 1:59am |
My question is this: Why do they keep calling? A huge case of guilt? Missing me? I know he is capable of staying friends with the ex-wife and people he has dated, have seen him in action and staying in touch with ex-girlfriends while we were together. Not a big issue.
It was maybe 2 hours after he dropped me off at my house after moving my things out yesterday and he calls me to say he is sorry for rushing me earlier, and that he wants us to get together next week after he gets back from his business trip he left on this morning (Sunday, 8/22), to call him (I can't stand it when someone says: "call me" as though what's going on in their life has more of a priority, besides, HE initiated this break up) He then calls me AGAIN today, leaving 2 messages, one on my cell and the other at home in the early afternoon, (he was sitting on the plane on the runway in Atlanta - he had flown earlier this morning from Portland, Oregon, where we both live) saying he got a text message from me late last night and is hoping I am okay. The thing is, I NEVER sent him a text message or called him on his cell last night. I have never, ever sent him a text message in all the time I have known him. Obviously he has been thinking about me, but why so many calls? Is it just an excuse to talk to me? What's up with that...I KNOW I didn't send him a text message (too many complicated steps on my phone), and he knows I didn't send a text message...
He knows how I feel about him, is this his ego talking or just an excuse to stay in contact?
A little history: We had lived together since April and haven't been apart except when he was away on business for 5 days this past June. Every night otherwise we have been together. Yes, it has been really hard and I have been crying a lot this past week. It has been hard on both of us, he says this is hurting him too, but I know the attraction to be single is tugging on him much harder - he probably has one or two women showing interest in him right now.
I have been through break ups much, much harder than this, but this guy, I really love and care about. I'm wise enough to know not to fall prey to games, but what could be
going through his head at this point? I am strong enough to go on knowing that I have to, even though I'm not happy about it.
Anyone have experience with their contacting you? I haven't called him back even though he asked me to call him to let him know I am okay, he said on his message he was concerned about me that I was alright. Other than this break up, we still care about each other, but I am needing to heal right now and go off in the corner to lick my wounds. Any sound advice?
Edited 8/23/2004 9:18 am ET ET by februarymoon4

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I NEVER contacted him. Now 6 wks later he calls me saying, dont you miss me?? I think about you all the time and miss talking to you. Cant we be friends?? I would like to think i could talk to you or call you if i need anything, and i could do the same for you.
I said i cant be friends with you at present, as my feelings are still strong. Then he says he broke his own heart when he did this, and he made a mistake. My son is coming home on leave from army(in korea) in early sept........then he was asking if he could visit him when he is home, i said not a good idea, then he asked if he could come down to talk, i said we already talked on the phone. How do they think they can just screw with your life then just call up all sad and sentimental. Was he thinking of me when he took off with another woman?? I think not. Hejust thinks he can have it all, now feeling guilty about what he did, and the consequences of his actions,,,,,,,no more ME!!! THen he had the nerve to say something was missing with the NEW women..( Yeah ME you moron!!)
Geez!!! It baffles my mind. I say they dont deserve our friendship. Friends dont treat friends like crap.
BUT- he threw that away, as did your ex... I do believe they care... aka- they don't want to hear we were in a horrible car accident... and they feel some love or affection, like you do for someone you've known for a long time... but that is not marital love, or the type of love you want in a partner... not nearly enough.
Edited 8/25/2004 1:41 pm ET ET by cabikerchick
A true commitment-phobe can't commit to either the relationship OR to ending it; I think "commitment-phobe" is a fancy word for immature a**hole, but there's some truth to the premise!
He called me **AGAIN** Yesterday evening at 6pm (while I was still at work, so obviously he didn't want to talk to me directly, he only wanted to leave a message) to let me know that he had come back in town Wednesday night instead of his planned Friday night (tonight), that he had to cut his trip short, he had not been feeling well, was having some chest pain ::breaking out the vioins folks::...
He stated on his message that he "just wanted to let me know, that he was home and wanted to call me, that we should get together sometime, and give him a call.
What is up with his calling so much? My ex-husband didn't even call me this often after our break up. I'm guessing he needs a familiar person around in case whoever it is he has started seeing doesn't work out. Most likely also by my being around tells him he is an "okay person" for doing what he's doing. Yeah, right. I'm not about to massage his ego.
So far, since I moved out of his house last Saturday, he has called me 4 times and called once but hung up, not leaving a message (caller ID...). At first I thought he was calling because of guilt, because he called me 3 times within the first 24hours of our splitting up.
Now I don't have even a clue, except his relaying to me what's going on in his life because I'm not living at his house any more and he doesn't have anyone to talk to...
My ex was doing the same thing.... calling and leaving messages on the status of his cat who had to have his leg amputated.... updates on his job... his mother...
I finally called him back and asked him not to contact me, telling him that I could not be his friend. He kept asking "well, WHEN can we be friends?" and telling me that he loved me (he broke up with me, by the way.... three times in two years) and didn't want to not have me in his life. It was excruciatingly difficult to do this, but I know that what I want from him is more than casual friendship, so it's time to move on.
If you know that you want more than just being "friends" (which really means he wants to keep you hanging around HOPING you'll be more while he is free to do what he wants and still see you on HIS whims...) then instead of wondering about the reasons for the contact, you could tell him to leave you alone so you would have the peace of knowing you can "lick your wounds" (your words...) in private.
It is SO reassuring for me to know that he will not call now (although he did call once after I asked him not to, the calls have stopped for a full week!!) and that when the phone rings, your heart won't jump.
Best of luck; it's not easy by any stretch...
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