when he will not leave you alone
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when he will not leave you alone
| Wed, 03-16-2005 - 9:51am |
I dated this guy for about 3 months. Anything he asked, if within reason, I would do it. To make a long story short, he broke up with me because I was calling him once a day, and he said he needed space; therefore, he would call me when he was ready. For 2 weeks I waited around for him to call. He never did. So, fed up, I called and left a message on his machine asking for what few possessions I had at his place, particularly a certain disk that had files on it that I needed. He gets angry calls me back and tells me not to call him "no damn more" then slams the phone down. I knew what he is capable of. Throughout our relationship he would always ask where was I at, what was I doing, and who was I with after he would tell me what he was doing. Often many times he would become angry if I would not answer his questions to his liking or would not do something he asked. I realize now that this behavior is controlling. Therefore the day when he was supposed to bring the disk I had some friends there with me knowing he would not do anything unless I was alone. A few days later, he comes up to me at work and whispers in my ear that he knows what I was really doing and I did not hurt him when I asked for my things back. He left before I could respond. However, I cannot stop him from coming to my work because he is a client. Therefore now he makes it a point to make several trips past the room I work in and actually looks in the room. I am trying to get another job or at least switch hours with someone so I know I will not see him. But what else can I do to make him leave me alone, for I am trying to get on with my life without him and everytime I see him there is a part of me that misses him.

I have some experience with guys who will not leave you alone (see my post below, about my stalker). The first thing you do is inform him, preferably in writing (by email or by letter, but keep a copy) that you do not want to have any further contact with him. Although "no further contact" should be specific enough, you might also identify some specific examples and explain that the contact makes you uncomfortable. So, for example, "I ask that you not come to my office, because it makes me uncomfortable and I want to keep my personal life separate from my work life." If you think it's safe to do so, you could also say that you have felt threatened or coerced by his displays of anger in the past, and that you fear similar displays in the future, and that is why you feel you cannot have any contact of any kind with him.
This builds a record, both that you've asked him to stay away from you and that you have a reasonable fear that he might harm or intimidate you if you see him. Then, if he keeps up with the contact, go to your local courthouse and ask about orders of protection from domestic violence and stalking. You can file these without an attorney, and usually at no cost to you, in most places. If he appears at your home or your workplace and acts in a threatening way, immediately contact the police. If you do get an order of protection, the police are required to help you enforce it, by arresting him if he violates the terms of the order.