When they start seeing someone else

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
When they start seeing someone else
12
Mon, 06-05-2006 - 9:44am
It had only been 3 weeks since our breakup when he started seeing someone else. I thought I was doing ok and getting through this, focusing on myself and channeling my energy into school, working out, and being social. But this really threw me down. It's now 3 months later and I just can't get it out of my mind. I try not to think about it, think about them but it still kills me. After a 1.5 relationship he moved on so quickly. He ended it, out of nowhere. We have mutual friends and they all tell me how much better I am, more fun, interesting, pretty, etc. They say shes just a rebound but they spend all their time together. Also I feel of course my friends would say all this because they are my friends too right? I wish I could get it out of my head. I want to stop hoping he'll realize this new girl isn't for him. I don't cry or anything like I used too, I am alot stronger it just is still stuck in my thoughts and I want it to stop. I dunno maybe just venting and seeking some advice with how to deal when your ex starts seeing someone else... so soon after the breakup! Anyone else gone through this?

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-05-2006 - 11:21am

Yep, I've totally been there...I have an ex who *moved in* with another woman a mere TWO WEEKS after we ended our 4 year relationship (lived together for 3 years). It was very painful, as you can imagine, and like you, I spent way too much time focusing on thinking about THEM. What I know now is that I *should* have been focusing on accepting he wasn't right for me, because if that's the case, it doesn't matter what he does...we are just not right for each other!!!

Here's something from the board's website about a couple techniques I discovered and used during that breakup that really helped:

http://www.geocities.com/breakingupishard/advise.htm

I hope you find these helpful as well. The thought-stopping really does work if you practice it.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2003
Mon, 06-05-2006 - 11:34am

Hi Sheri! Thanks for the thought-stopping tips. I have saved them and I am going to use them. It's exactly what i am going through this very moment; I've spent the whole morning re-hashing every word he has said to me about why he's breaking up with me. There's no point and I need to stop, and your suggestions come at a perfect time. Thanks!

Lydia

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2006
Mon, 06-05-2006 - 11:46am
i totally understand. im just starting to go through this and its making the whole breakup thing ten times harder and i need some advice as well. ive stopped talking to him. and its hard cause i dont know whats happening exept for what i see on myspace or imagine in my head. im sure what im imaging is worse than it really is, but it seems to prepare me for what might happen. i think sometimes we have to just deal with pain. i want the apin to go away, but then i know ill be over him. im not as smart as all you girls. deep down, im still hoping.
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Mon, 06-05-2006 - 11:53am
Don't be too hard on yourself. 3 months later and im still hopeing but its more hopeing/imagining in the back of my head that he'll wake up and realize what and idiot he was. I mean they have to be idiots to leave great ladies like us right! In reality, at least in my head I realize its over and clearly we werent meant for eachother or we'd be together. I believe that everything happens for a reason. I wish I could just stop these thoughts in my head. Ill try and work on those techniques. They seem helpful. At least I've realized im ok without him now. Probably a lot stronger than I was before. Its hard don't get me wrong. I think im now at the just missing him stage, missing us, missing my used to be best friend. But missing is easier than the physical hurt I used to feel at least.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2003
Mon, 06-05-2006 - 12:03pm

Oh yeah, I'm TOTALLY hoping he will change his mind!!! It kills me to have to consider that he's not going to... And, I fantasize about the moment when he realizes (finally) that he will NEVER find anyone to love him like I loved him. I doubt he will find anyone to put up with him, let alone love him!! Emotions all over the place, eh?

My "ex" isn't seeing anyone else yet as far as I know, although an old girlfriend looked him up VERY quickly as soon as he moved back home, and that was more than enough to enrage me. So I can't even imagine what it will be like for me when he starts actually seeing someone else. His big reason for breaking up with me is that he doesn't want to be in a relationship at all right now, so if/when he does start up with someone, I will be here on the board more than ever begging for help. It's brutal enough to just hear that he doesn't want ME, never mind that he would choose someone else over me...

Lydia

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Mon, 06-05-2006 - 12:55pm
I hear you hunny...its hard as hell. My ex's reasons started w/the whole I can't handle my life right now so I have to be on my own to figure these things out. A week later it was actually I'm not in love with you anymore and dont see a future, then 3 weeks after that it was more like oh yah i can handle a relationship just not with you...with this new girl instead...talk about emotional rollercoaster. I almost feel bad for the girl because I know my ex is going through some personal issues and well I guess she gets to handle it now. Oh well maybe its all better this way. I figure better than now than a few years down the line being married to someone who could just walk away that easily right? I just am embracing the single life for a while. Its been a while since I could come and go as I please. SO im figure just roll with it for a while. Have fun and someday down the line our exes are gonna be kicking themselves for ever running away from such fun awesome beautiful women like us right! (I'm trying the whole empowerment route now because the other ones weren't working so well)
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Mon, 06-05-2006 - 5:03pm

YES....I DO...SAME STORY LIKE YOURS..SO I KNOW THAT FEELING....GRRRR...AFTER FEW WEEKS OF BREAK UP MY EXBF START DATING GIRL AND MY FRIEND TOLD ME THAT MY EXBF SAID HIS NOT SERIOUS ABOUT IT...BUT STILL IT HURT ME KNOWING THAT HE DID THAT...I'M ASSUMING THATS WHY ARE EX'S DOING THAT COZ LIKE YOU MENTION REBOUND....BUT THE THING IS RIGHT NOW YAH MAYBE THEIR JUST MESSING AROUND BUT ONE DAY THEY WILL START DEVELOPING FEELINGS WITH THAT GIRL.

SO RIGHT NOW I'M TRYING TO MAKE MY SELF BUSY BUT STILL...THERE'S A TIME THAT I MISS HIM SOO MUCH AND START CRYING. TO BE HONEST AT FIRST I'M OKAY AND NOW ISNT I SUPPOSED TO BE MORE DOING FINE. BUT ITS OTHER WAY AROUND...MAYBE COZ ITS ALREADY TAKING LONG SO NOW I KNOW WE DONT HAVE A CHANCE TO GET BACK AT ALL.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I DID SOMETHING SO I KNOW ITS ONE OF THE REASON THATS WHY ME AND MY EXBF NO CHANCE OF GETTING BACK NO MATTER WHAT...HERE IT GOES!!!

SINCE I FIND OUT THAT HIS DATING I KINDA ASK SAME PERSON WHO TOLD ME THAT HIS DATING. TO TELL MY EXBF THAT HE SAW ME WITH A GUY AND INTRO THAT TO HIM AS MY BF. OUR FRIEND TOLD ME MY EXBF STAY QUIT AND HE SOUND SAD...(YAH RIGHT!!)

ACTUALLY THE TIME THAT ME AND MY EXBF BREAKING UP...HIS KINDA ACCUSING ME THAT I'M CHEATING AND I GOT ANNOYED...SO WHAT I DID IS JUST TO SHOT HIS MONTH..I TOLD HIM YES.. EVEN ITS NOT TRUE. WITH 10 DIFF GUYS..OFCOURSE HE GET MAD AND ALSO MY EXBF HAS HISTORY OF HIS WIFE CHEATED ON HIM...WELL ACTUALLY SHE CHEATED COZ HIS CRAZY. HIS ALWAYS OUT WITH FRIENDS. INSTEAD OF SPENDING TIME WITH HIS FAMILY.

SO LATELY HIS KINDA DOING SAME THING WITH ME....I DONT KNOW IF HIS DOING THAT IN PURPOSE OR WHAT..I KNOW HIS BUSY WORKING(WITH THE NEW JOB HE GOT) COZ I COULD SEE THAT...HE DOESNT HAVE TIME FOR HIMSELF ALSO. HE LOOK SOO STRESS AND HIS GETTING SKINNY.

WELL I WAS DOING MY BEST TO BE PATIENCE AND YOU KNOW THAT FEELING IF YOU BEEN CONTROLLING YOUR EMOTIONS AND THEN FINALLY YOU WILL EXPLODE...I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND WHY EVERYTIME I'M TELLING HIM ABOUT HOW I FELT. HE GET MAD AND HUNG UP THE PHONE.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT ITS WEIRD...WHY ARE WE GIRLS ARE CRAZY NO MATTER WHAT PAIN OUR EXBF GIVE US...WE STILL HOPING AND WISHING THAT THEY REALIZE THAT THEY WRONG AND GET BACK WITH US...RIGHT? I HATE THIS FEELING....

I THOUGHT HIS THE RIGHT ONE FOR ME....THIS GUY LIKES ME A LOT....BEFORE I MET HIM..HE ALREADY KNOW ME BUT HE CANT ASK ME OUT COZ WERE BOTH COMMITTED THAT TIME....AND FINALLY WE MET WERE BOTH SINGLE. AT FIRST I DONT LIKE HIM. WELL HE LOOKS GOOD THATS WHY I GAVE HIM MY NUMBER. BUT I'M NOT THAT IN TO HIM. IF HE CALLS ME I IGNORE HIS CALLS..HE WILL CALL ME ATLEAST 10/15 TIMES A DAY. JUST FOR ME TO ANSWER HIS CALL.

MEN IF I COULD JUST BRING BACK TIME...I SHOULD NOT GIVE HIM MY NUMBER AND ATLEAST NOW I'M NOT BROKEN HEARTED. BUT ITS TOO LATE.

ANYWAYS GOOD LUCK TO YOU!!!!

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Tue, 06-06-2006 - 9:12am
Better to have loved and lost then have never have loved at all? Sometimes I wish too that I hadn't entered into this relationship. I pushed him away many times at the beginning but my ex was always there waiting around for me to realize and give him a chance. Well when I finally did let myself fall I got really hurt. Sucks alot. And now he's in a relationship with someone else, and apparently its fairly serious. Shes abroad all summer and they are still staying together. That hurts alot because we've only been broken up for 3 months. How can you get so serious with someone after a 1.5 relationship w/ someone else? But we all have to learn from this and go out and find someone new and better, when we are ready. I still hurt most days but I also am finding myself being able to be happy without him. In fact I am happy. I just miss him and us. Whats meant to be will find a way right? Keep your head up. I'll try and keep mine up too! Their loss not ours.
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Tue, 06-06-2006 - 12:29pm
my ex just called off our engagement. we were engaged for a little less than a year after dating for six years (7 years total). a couple weeks after leaving me we were moving some of her boxes into her temporatry apartment. she had just come back from a business trip (from where she is taking a new job next month) and there were some condoms on the floor that had fallen out of her luggage bag. i asked her about it and she said it was poor judgment and that it was just a rebound thing. im still in shock. she left ebcuase she said she needed to figure things out on her own, find her own space, get some time to herself, etc. i dont know if im making more out of it but im terribly hurt and dont understand how she could so quickly jump in bed with someoone else.
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Tue, 06-06-2006 - 8:00pm

After 5 years, living together, and plans of getting married, he says "i won't be seeing you this weekend, your not welcome". Not to mention i'm being told he's seeing someone else.... Men or shall I say heartless mean children, really know how to break a girls heart. Why does this male species have what can only be compared to as an emotional on/off switch?? Why is it always the girls that end up with crushed hearts? Why do we keep letting ourselves get hurt? Is this love thing something we can really ever trust to let ourselves go?

Here's to wishful thinking.....

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