When was the beginning of the end??!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2011
When was the beginning of the end??!
6
Thu, 07-28-2011 - 2:03pm

Im a 23 year old guy and I have just recently broken up with my gf who I had been dating for a year and a half. Ill tell you a little bit about her and I. She is going into her last year of university in ottawa. I live 4 hours away. We dated all last year through her schooling and it was perfect. I have a full time job and I just bought my own house and move in next week. I thought I had it all going for me and thought my relationship was going well.

A couple weeks ago I was gettign mixed feelings from her BIG TIME. She didnt seem to connect to me and seemed to be pushing me away. This is not the first time its happened she has done it before at school where she acts like this. Anyways I got very skeptical and HAD to figure out what was going on. I grabbed her phone when she was in the shower and found her texting another guy who she works with very secual things, and my heart hit the floor. I confronted her immediately and left.

So anyways I called it off because I cant trust the girl anymore, and I literally gave this girl everything and was always there for her. But now i wanna know if she was just using me? Did I give her too much? Why if she was doing that behind my back couldnt she just call it off? It would hurt much less if she did that. Also, now im dealing with some really weird stuff because she sends me text messages as if nothing happened. yesterday she sent me one saying "your so cute"....I just dont get what her motive is. Now it seems like she wants to be nice and have my attention when before she wanted nothign to do with me.

Any thoughts?????

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 07-28-2011 - 2:38pm

glenner, you want answers to questions that can't be answered. Furthermore, even if you did know the answers, you wouldn't feel any better. When dealing with a breakup, having more information means having more pain. I know you are trying to make sense of this in your head but the bottom line is that she was cheating, and you had to leave. I imagine even SHE does not have the answers to the questions you're asking, like "was she using me?" People don't cheat with the intent of "using" someone. They just go with their instincts based on what they want. She was feeling sexual with another guy and so she just went with that, WITHOUT thinking about you. She didn't call it off because she didn't want to have to deal with a breakup, and getting attention from two guys, to her, was better than just one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2011
Thu, 07-28-2011 - 3:53pm
I guess most younger girls are unsure about what they want. It just bothers me that she now wants my attention when two weeks ago she was pushing me away. You are right about the maturity thing, and shed a new light on this. Sorry for the lack of grammar by the way I spilled this out quickly and wasn't very concerned about it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 07-28-2011 - 4:52pm

Not yours, hers :) Yes... Girls that age can be very fickle. I remember I was. To the point of cheating on my boyfriend? No, but immaturity comes out in other ways. Not everyone is immature at 23, but you did the best thing by leaving her. People like her generally do not mature while in relationships. Being single is the only way she can learn that her behavior is selfish and intolerable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2011
Thu, 07-28-2011 - 5:00pm
Yes I am figuring this out. Now she never cheated on me I know this for a fact. But I am not going to let a girl treat me the way she did. She was texting him sexual things and I know she did not cheat but sure as hell felt that way to me reading the messages. She basically made me feel worthless in a wierd way. She betrayed me in an awful way. I now know the signs of someone who is flaky though, so I guess I can honestly say that I learned many things out of this conversation. I need to stop questioning the reasoning behind it because it matters not. I learned that this girl, in the long run, wasn't the right one for me, and i for sure leaned that giving a girl everything is probably not the best thing to do because this is not the first time I have been taken advantage of.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 07-28-2011 - 5:21pm

I consider what she did to be "cheating" even if it wasn't physical... It still hurts just the same.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2011
Thu, 07-28-2011 - 6:22pm

You know my son is your age - and he hates to hear your still young - and you doing quite well for your age....... probably feel very mature - not saying that you aren't - buts thats how "we" all felt.

You made the right move - please continue to strive for your success

How you feel at 23 - will not be