when will the false hope fade?
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| Sun, 02-18-2007 - 4:10pm |
hi! i haven't posted in forever, but i have been on the boards a lot reading everyone else's posts. i'm doing much MUCH better than the last time you guys heard from me. it has been about three months since i got dumped, and i've come a long way. in short, i was completely in love, my boyfriend changed and started treating me poorly but i ddint have the guts to end it, and after ten months he broke it off saying 'he just didn't feel the same way anymore'. i see him very frequently at school so naturally it has been extreamly tough. i've had to experience everything from him being icredibly mean to me to him showing up at school with multiple hickeys. i know, doesn't sound that bad. but it's been REALLY tough. we'll...long story short, him and i have not spoken since a week after the break up. it was so hard at the beggining, but progressivly of course it got better. in the beggining when people asked me how i was i couldn't control my word vomit. in other words i just gushed all my feelings to anyone who would listen (which was a bad idea becasue i'm sure my ex heard i was still hurt, which i didnt want him to know). now however, i talk about him minimally (and only to people who do NOT know him or attend my school). i even have a new interest, who even showed up at my house on valentines day and brought a couple cute things. he is really sweet and has been texting me a lot and blah blah, i think i'm starting to like him a bit.
but my question is...even with me moving on, and starting to think of my ex less, and starting to hurt a LOT less...why do i still have hope that we will maybe "re-kindle our flame" and get back together at some point? i tell people i'm completly over him, and sometimes i feel asthough i am, but there are other times where i think "well, i'm about to have a new boyfriend, but maybe AFTER that i will get back together with my ex". i know, that is horrible. and the kicker is my ex was so cruel to me that i dont even WANT to be back with him. he is not the person i loved. he is so changed from when we first fell in love, and i do NOT EVEN HAVE FEELINGS FOR THE PERSON HE IS NOW. i'm just confused. is it my brain not being able to let go of the idea of our relationship? becasue i sure as hell know my heart has let him go. he made me miserable for three months and i don't even want him back. i just want to be happy, and he didn't make me happy in the end.
the other night my friend mentioned that she was talking to my ex and he mentioned me and told her he "liked going out with me, but he also likes being single, and that every situation has pros and cons". that is not even CLOSE to anything special or important. it's not liek that implys that he misses me or anything. that is nothing. that is just something he said in passing. him and i do not know eachother anymore, and we pretned the other doesnt exist. so WHY does a stupid statement like that make me wonder if he thinks aobut me, or getting back together with me, or just if he misses me? usually i am fine, and can remember that he is not what is best for me, that he hurt me, and that i don't want someone like him in my life. but there are these times when i just have this rush of hope that we will someday be together again EVEN THOUGH in my heart of hearts know i wouldn't be happy casue he's not the same person he was before. furthermore, he has done nothing to suggest he misses me in any way. the point is, it feels like my false hope isn't fading. he isn't what i want, he just makes me sick, seeing this new person he chose to be. so WHY do i keep having this hope that maybe one day we'll be okay again?
i've come to accept our break up, i don't understand it, but i accept it. i've pretty much moved on. but there are times when i have weak moments of hope and i just wonder why...or if anyone feels the same way...or if anyone thinks they know when it will die off?
any advice would be great. thanks for reading :) sorry it was so long!

The question was long, but the answer is short:
When you think you want him back, think of all the crap that you took from him. We have a tendancy to think only about the good parts and that's when we want them back. If you focus on why you broke up and think about how you felt when things were bad you'll start to get over it more and more. It is a healing process and sometimes it takes along time, especially when you have to see him everyday.
It's good that you realize you don't really want to get back with him. I'd go out with the fellow who brought you the flowers. That was really sweet of him and shows some thought of your feelings. Even if he isn't mr. perfect, he'll make you feel better and help you realize there are a lot of fish in the sea!