When will i cheer up?
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When will i cheer up?
| Fri, 08-10-2007 - 6:52am |
Hey there everyone, need advice really. i broke up with my boyfriend of two and a half years on sunday, well he broke up with me. He said he loves me but he just wants to be single...confusing i know. i cant stop thinking about him and wat hes up to. And i always think wether hes thinking about me! We had a good relatioship, he always made me laugh and i cant imagine life without him in it. At the moment im going through the guilty stage where i feel i could of done more...even though i know i never did anything wrong and did everythin to keep him happy. i also feel sorry for him in some wierd way because his family live away and i dont want him to feel he doesnt have anyone! i hate it wen people say horrible things about him...arghhhh im so frustrated. i just honsetly dont know wat to do. i want to be friends with him more than anythin...but the day i see him with another girl, i will flip! he works in a bar so i know hell be having fun like every night, i want to prove to him i can have fun too. can i tell him i miss him? can i txt him wen im low? he said he wants to help me and be my friend...he said im the best girl he has ever met!!! does he mean it? any advice will be really really appreciated. Many thanx xxx

I somewhat know what you are going through. My boyfriend broke up with me 2 months ago, yet we continued to text message and call each other for the past 2 months (our relationship was long distance). He kept telling me he loved me, how I was the most amazing girl, how much he missed me and wanted me back. Yet, after all of that, when I asked him if he would try the relationship again, his answer was always that he couldn't. He and I were each other's best friend and I feel like we just dragged things on for another 2 months. I have been on an emotional rollercoaster for the past 2 months because all I wanted was for him to give our relationship another chance and I kept hanging onto the hope. He wanted to keep me as his friend because I meant so much to him and was such an important part of his life, but I tried, and just couldn't be his friend after all that we had been through. Now, it has been only 4 days since our last attempt at no contact and I feel horrible. I believe that having talked to him as "friends" for the past two months only has dragged on the process for me and I am at the same point now that I was at 2 months ago. I wish I would have just stopped talking to him 2 months ago and seen where that got me. I hope I helped you out a little with my situation. Whatever you do, do what is best for YOU and what will make YOU the happiest in the long run.
Jennifer
Hi and welcome,
Since you only just broke up a few days ago, it's going to be a while before you cheer up. You have to go through the sadness and grief of loss first. It's like someone died, but not, because they're still walking the earth yet not part of your life anymore. It's odd, but when you break up, you almost have to act like the person died in order to get the feelings for them out of your system. It's hard to process these emotions. Some people wallow in the grief, and some people choose to ignore it.
Basically, breakups aren't easy.
Over time, cheering up is a matter of CHOICE. It's not an accident, it's not something that happens on its own. You choose to focus on good things, things that make you feel good and happy and a mind's natural reaction to that is to cheer up. Focus on sad things, and you'll stay sad. Sounds logical, right? It's hard to do, but not impossible.
As far as your ex-boyfriend, no, it's really not ok to tell him you miss him. He broke up with you, are you trying to lay a guilt trip on him? Not to mention, focusing on how much you miss him will make you miss him more and will only serve to make you feel worse, so none of that.
Also, no texting him random messages, again he broke up with you and for this it's a matter of having some self-respect. If you want him to continue feeling like you're the best girl he ever dated, and truly want to have him as a friend later on, do yourself a huge favor and maintain your dignity, because otherwise, his thoughts about you, his respect and regard for you, *will* change because breakups make people do nutty things, things they'd never do otherwise, like humiliate themselves. So don't do it. Call/text someone else instead.
It's very tough, but many many people have experienced and survived breakups. The board members will be able to offer you support while you go through this. You're not alone.
Best,