When will things get better?
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| Sun, 06-03-2007 - 9:18pm |
My b-friend of 5 years dumped me about 3 weeks ago. It's a very long story but every time we would begin moving forward in the relationship, he would back away. Then over the past years, either I broke things off with him or him with me. We both said we wanted to get married one day and have a family. I just don't get he wouldn't actually put actions behind his words.
However, I always maintained the hope that everything would work out b/c I really thought I was going to marry this man and have children with him. I never felt this way with anyone. He was also my very best friend.
When he broke up with me, he said he was unhappy and that something was missing or not right. He said it was not me (and in this case, it was really not me) but that he was not sure if he could ever commit to me or anyone. He wants me to be happy and that this was the right thing in the long term. I was devestated. We always got along and had chemistry and fun together. It just became a problem when the relationship would started moving to the next step. One thing that might be a problem is that he and I met at the tail end of a long-term relationship he had with someone else. He never had time to grieve that break-up and I believe it has impacted our relationship.
We left VMs for eachother last week saying that we think about eachother alot. His b-day was last week and while I bought a card, I settled for sending him and email and he offered to send me this document to help me at work. Please let me know your thoughts or suggestions for getting through this. I feel terrible and it's not getting better. I feel so sad that I physically ache. I feel empty and lost and confused but not angry. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. I got a manicure and pedicure yesterday and it did not make me feel any better. I do things with family and friends and I'm just in "auto pilot" mode. Thank you.

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We all seem to be getting a little stronger. We all seem to be a little cautious about it as well. This healing business isn't easy, but we all have to agree we feel better when we stick to NC. Its toughest at night, but gets easier with each passing day. Meditating has helped me so much! I sit in the quiet and let myself feel the hurt and then I let it go. Each time I do it I feel better.
What bothers me is the time we're giving them. We're letting them steal precious time we could be using in much better ways, like being happy. I know that we need to go through this to be able to really move on and love again. I just hate letting anyone rent space in my head for free. We just have to keep on track, stick with the program, write in our journals, take care of ourselves and run directly to the board when we're having trouble with NC.
This too shall pass ladies. This too shall pass.
PLEASE keep up the NC. I royally messed up. I called to relay an important message to him that came on my phone today, He answered,(I was hoping I would get his voice mail or he would know the # and not answer)
I thought I was doing so good. I was about to hang up and he said, it was wild that I called because he was in the process of writing me an email, he had found out 1 week ago the med he had been taking, had alot of side effects he didn't know about and he stopped taking it when he found out and just in 1 week, he doesn't have the anxiety, and other stuff that was happening to him he feels like a different person. That he hasn't been himself for a long time. He was sending me the email, and a couple other ppl to explain that. In a way that explains some things.
I know that it doesn't change anything, geesh I'm bawling like a baby!!!!! And he said do you realize that today was the 1 year anniversary of him moving in with me. Now how weird is that? I honestly didn't remember that but I do remember that it has been 9 wks and 1 day since he left.
I feel so weak and stupid for calling him, why didn't I just send an email (the message was about some financial stuff, it was important) Now time to get back on the wagon so to speak. Pick myself up and start over again.
God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the knowledge and wisdom to know the difference. I will be repeating that quite a bit more everyday:)
Hang in there, we will get through this.
Oh, I'm so sorry that you're upset, I wish I could make it easier for you and all of us. But the crying is healthy I think. I like to think of each tear as a purge, getting him out of my system one teardrop at a time. Don't be so hard on yourself about breaking NC. You did the right thing by relaying important information to him.If you hadn't, he wouldn't understand that you were still taking time out to heal, he would have thought you were being a B****. I understand the phone call, thought for certain he wouldn't be home and if he was that he wouldn't answer. I,too, really wanted the machine. But he answered and we were on the phone for 35 minutes. I was pleasant, we chatted and afterwards I had a good cry. (it was saturday night for heavens sake, he should have been with white SUV girl, right?) I filed that under lessons learned and so must you. We are only human.
I have a little calendar on my desk. Each morning I come in and cross off a day. Today is day 6. I'm thinking of giving myself a bonus day, since I didn't answer or return his call on Sunday. Not sure why that matters, I will continue NC after 30 days, but hey... lets take it where we can get it.
Be strong sweetie. Be kind to yourself. Welcome to day one, its a great place to start!!!!!!!
Don't know if its okay to post a link from another board, but I found this a few weeks ago and it is really helpful!
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlhealingaft&msg=4415.1&x=y
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