When you go N/C

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2006
When you go N/C
8
Sat, 11-04-2006 - 9:00am
Are you actually trying to end the relationship for good or trying to change something in the relationship?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 11-04-2006 - 11:54am

I'm a little confused by your post, because no contact is a tool for getting over someone when they have broken up with you, so it's not really pertinent to what you posted.

Can you clarify the situation you're asking about, maybe?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2006
Sat, 11-04-2006 - 12:14pm
It makes perfect sense to me some people go N/C to permenatly end a relationship while others go N/C because a problem is not getting resolved in there relationship and thus N/C forces the other to resolve whatever problem is at hand....
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2006
Sat, 11-04-2006 - 12:36pm

I agree, it works for both. I wish I'd done that with my guy before we broke up. Instead I did it after.

There's nothing like NC to get a guy's attention...As Why Men Love Bitches says, words don't get a man's attention. Just actions. Or lack thereof.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
Sat, 11-04-2006 - 1:46pm
I know people do use it for both. I personally don't agree with having no contact to resolve a problem in the relationship. How can you work on a relationship issue when you're by yourself? Besides, if you have to break off all contact with your partner just to get them to wake-up and notice something important, why would you want to be with somebody like that anyway? Just my opinion.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2006
Sat, 11-04-2006 - 2:14pm
I have been in this relationship for 4 years and something has changed in it, and everytime i question what the problem is I get no answer or hung up on. And I am getting tired of it. By going NC I am struggling between ending it or forcing him to either change the problem, tell me what it is or end it like I have been asking is that what this is boiling down to. Not only do I need to figure out what is going on here, its about high and mighty time he finds out what it is like when I am not at his beckon call and that one way or another he can figure out what he wants.. Am I wrong?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 11-04-2006 - 2:35pm

Ok, thanks for clarifying. I don't think no contact works in that situation. After four years together, he's either willing to resolve the problem in the context of the relationship, or he's not. If he's not, then you should just go ahead and break up, IMO. It's like taking a break when what you really need to do is break up...it just prolongs the inevitable and doesn't really help anything.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
Sat, 11-04-2006 - 4:04pm
I agree with Sheri. If he won't talk about it, there is nothing you can really do. Even if he does say something because you're avoiding him, he'll only be telling you things in order to get you back, not because he thinks it's important to be open and honest with you. You can't base a relationship on that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Sun, 11-05-2006 - 1:32pm

Believe it or not, I ran this idea past my Mom (happily married over 40 years, by the way) and she says you're on the right track.

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