When you work together

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
When you work together
12
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 9:13am
I am really having a hard time with the fact that my ex of two weeks and I work together, when quitting isnt an option, when he has moved on with someone else already and you have to see it and hear about it at work and then come home to the place where you lived together and everything reminds you of them, its like there is no escape.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2005
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 9:28am

hi there,

i wanted to let you know that am praying for you. if you want to see a therapist..please go ahead and do so. if thats going to help you,then definitely try it. i had mentioned earlier that i've a very supportive work environment...i have two counsellors in my office and so i guess its been very helpful as am getting a lot of help from them and they've been so supportive. and thats where i feel for you, coz i remember that you said that you've common friends and you have to see him all the time...i've realised that a bit or a lot of male bashing always helps me at least to feel good momentarily. i don't have any friends where i live, all my friends are back home in india or around the worl, no one in london, so its been very difficult, but finally i realised that i needed to talk to somone n thats when i called my friend n she just put certain things point blank to me n u knw wht it felt good. so if u've any friends who r not his friends then go n meet them

so yes go ahead see someone who'll heal you towards the path of healing. if your sister is supportive n if she does not mind go live with her for some time, or try n get rid of all his stuff from ur place (only if u feel like). but please remember that we are all here to help you through this time.

take care.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2005
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 10:43am
I am in the same position as you. The only advice I can give you is to stay stronge and even though it hurts, just act like you don't care. The last thing you want is for him to know and everyone else in the company so they can laugh at you. Trust me it's tough but stay stronge.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 10:50am
I am trying, I am off today and have been crying all morning, actually more like sobbing. I want to call him, but I did that last week and he said this was the worst relationship he ever had and had no intention of getting back with me, ever, and hung up on me, so I know if i call him i will just feel worse, I am in agony.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2005
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 11:31am
How long were you guys together? If I were you I wouldn't quit my job, trust me I have considered it but don't give him that satisfaction. My ex and I were together for 3 years and I'm in a position where I have to work with him. It's hard but have courage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 12:31pm
We were together for a year and lived together for the last 9 months, so we lived together, worked together, did every waking and sleeping thing together, and now I am just alone, I cant even go to work for 8 hours and be busy and keep my mind occupied because he is there, meanwhile having women call him, hear him and seeing him on the phone, whispering, laughing, I just do not see that proverbial light at the end of the tunnel.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 1:44pm

Thank you so much for posting this, kitkat. It's got to be horrible for you!

Hopefully others can learn from this example. So sorry for your pain.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2005
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 1:45pm
I can totaly relate to everything your saying, the feeling of hurt and pain is unbearable. My ex and I also lived together for 2 years and we rode to work together. He even dated a girl at work in my face, but you know what I say to myself, that's his loss not mine. I know it's easier said then done but you need to remain stronge. This in the long end will make you or break you and don't let one stupid guy break you. If you don't mind me asking how old are you guys and why did the relationship end?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 11:09pm
I am 36 he is 28, he still lives at home with his mom dad and his sister and I have my own place with my sister, that was part of the problem, him still living at home, having no responsibility, I have a mortgage, a gas bill, etc, he doesnt even pay rent to live at home at 28! I thought I could deal with the age difference, but when it became apparent when in the first 2 months he told me he loved me, wanted to marry me, wanted me to be the mother of his children, then a few months later, when I felt him being cold and nasty to me and asked what was going on, he never said anything about marriage anymore, his response was "well that was just a heat of the moment thing, like you didnt really believe that did you? I am in no way ready to get married" like hey your an idiot for believing what I said, and then it was basically downhill from there, him being cold and distant, me fighting to get his attention and love, us not talking for a couple days, then getting back together, me knowing in the back of my mind that during those couple days he was hanging out with other women each time, when finally this last time, i had t go in the hospital for uterine surgery, I was scared naturally, he was so not there for me, as a matter of fact he was supposed to drive me to the hospital that day and then the night before was like, can you get someone else to take you, i want to go to work early, I mean are you kidding me!, That was it, that was the last straw, to abandon me when I need you the most, I was devastated. I told him to just go away, that I couldnt deal with the way he was treating me. Then when I got home from the hospital and called him he was so nasty, like hey you broke up with me, I've moved on already so take a hike and hung up on me. So now I am recovering from surgery and a broken heart.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2005
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 12:31am

Geeez! That is horrible. Sounds like you are going through some real hard times. I hope everything went well with the surgery. I hope you are taking care of yourself so you can heal from the surgery.

I know how hard it is to see your ex move on. I broke up with my ex a month ago. A week after breaking up I saw him and his ex girlfriend on a date. I can only imagine how hard it is to see him at work everyday. You are strong just by getting up and going to work. Stay strong and please take care of yourself.

I really can relate to everything you have posted in the last couple of days. Your situation is so similar to mine as is most of the posts. My ex is 5 years younger than I am and was the love of my life. I find comfort in reading and posting comments. I hope you do too. I don't have any friends he was my best friend. I am 29 and most of all my friends are married with a life of their own and the ones I had I had neglected for 2 years while I was with my ex. I have found friends on the site.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2005
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 6:39am

My advice to you is to do what helped me...

Take a NEW pad of sticky post-it notes and on each one write every awful thing about him. Make the first one be the hospital situation (that's unbelievable). You will fill up a whole pad, believe me. I did, and my exboyfriend was actually a very sweet person, but with too many issues that he couldn't get past.

Read these everyday or every time you feel you need a reminder why it's better to be without him. Sometimes it's easy to remember the good times, but right now you need to remember why you are SO INCREDIBLY much better off without him. Start to begin healing and in awhile you will be so thankful he's not in your life anymore.

And, go seek some counseling. I have my first appt next week.

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