where do i draw the line?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2003
where do i draw the line?
3
Tue, 12-07-2004 - 2:51pm
Here's a tricky one... My ex and I broke up about 3 months ago. We were together a little over a year. I had a very hard time getting over it and I'm still not completely over him. However, it wasn't an ugly break-up and we're still "friends." Friends to the extent that we're there for each other, but I'm not able or interested in hearing about any females in his life! He's in another state-- he had to move b/c of a new job after a few months of us dating exclusively. We both fell in love fast and it was great. Ok, so here's the question... he is terribly miserable at his job which he has to stay at unfortunately as he is not a U.S. citizen. If he leaves his job, he'll have to move back to Europe for at least a year. I feel terrible for him b/c he's been so successful here and made a wonderful life for himself after completing his masters degree. He has confided in me a little bit, but I'm still very concerned and worried about him. Should I let him come to me to talk or is this all part of being able to break up with someone and letting go of EVERYTHING? So confused...
Avatar for alicea825
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Tue, 12-07-2004 - 2:56pm
There are no 'rules' to break-ups, it's whatever you want it to be. If you feel you are ok with being friends and can talk to him on a friendly basis without those other feelings getting in the way, than why not? This world would be a much better place if all relationships could go back to friendships after they were over.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2003
Tue, 12-07-2004 - 3:06pm
I agree with you there. It IS hard though... I had to look at it in the sense that he was such an important person to me that I'd much rather have him in my life as a friend, than not in my life at all. And he's the one that broke up with me! The irony!
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-07-2004 - 3:17pm

My take on this is if you're not ready to hear about EVERYTHING in his life (including his new gfs) then you're not ready to be friends.

I just don't see how you can truly be friends with someone without being able to discuss their romantic r'ships with them.

Sheri