Where do I go from here?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2006
Where do I go from here?
2
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 12:38pm

My husband and I are separated, we still live in the same house , but he mostly live in the basement and I in the rest of the house. In other words, we live like roommates more than anything else. I'll be the 1st one to agree that things have been hard between us, but to the point of separation...that blew me off completly.

He told me he didn't love me anymore , but his actions say something else. I know I have to accept his declaration and making things smoother is always better for all parties concerned.

I just have no clue where to begin. After 13 years together, I have no clue where to begin. I want to show myself strong and independant without looking like I'm relieved he asked to call it quits.

I know I'm the lucky one , that I have my whole family there to support, he doesn't. I know I have a good morale while he is struggling with depression. I'm worried about him. I know him capable of doing the unthinkable. I still love him and I don't want him to be alone during this struggle, but I can't have him stick around if I want to turn my life around. He is still currently living at home, but we are roommates now. From time to time, I get that feeling that he is trying to make things better, but then it's gone as quickly.

Am I crazy to want to work things out if he respects the fact that I want him to get serious help for his depression? Am I crazy to want him to leave for me to move on?...I just don't know anymore. I'm so confused.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 3:05pm

Welcome to the board foreverhopefull,


Since you think his actions don't match his words, consider some of the following reading material:


What to Do When Someone You Love Is Depressed, Mitch Golant, Susan K. Golant


The Pain Behind the Mask: Overcoming Masculine Depression, John Lynch


When Someone You Love Is Depressed: How to Help Your Loved One Without Losing Yourself, Laura Epstein Rosen


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 3:36pm

So sorry you're going through that, it is a very hard situation.


I think you need to be truthful with yourself as to what YOU want.

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