which notion do I go with?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
which notion do I go with?
2
Fri, 03-21-2008 - 11:40pm

I've been reading through the posts in this board and I'm trying to decide which category I fall in. First I'll give some background. My ex of two years broke up with me two months ago. She was my first love and my first everything. The first thing she told me was that, "If we're meant to be, we'll get back together in the future." I understand that too many things were going through her head and she just couldn't handle the relationship. I cut off all contact and denied her friendship for the time being. She said that she didn't love me, but she still had feelings for me and that's why she suggested staying friends. Two months before the breakup, she called me up to break up with me. This was a few days before our two year anniversary. I was hurt and I thought it was very poor timing because she was the one excited about the anniversary a month before it happened. I begged her to come back and she did. Had a great anniversary and everything. Keep in mind that this was a long distance relationship. She broke up with me twice, for similar reasons. The first was that she didn't like the way things were going and we weren't seeing each other much. The second was that too many things were going on with school and stress was piling up on her. Both are somewhat linked, but I can't justify whether it was mutual or not. The first one wasn't because it was out of the blue. The second one was expected because I kind of saw it coming. They both hurt a lot. The second one more because it was a month after our anniversary. It's mind boggling because she was so happy a month before and then she completely changed and decided she wasn't happy or anything. Idk, lately I've been trying to justify if I would take her back or not. The only thing that I can come up with is that if we’re meant to be, then it will happen, but it’s not something I’m going to build my future around. It all just seems impossible because I'm 18 and she's 17. I'm just hoping I forget this stuff ever happened. This is coming from a guy, for the record. Yes I'm a loser and no I'm not an ugly nerd haha.

Edited 3/21/2008 11:51 pm ET by gok1025




Edited 3/22/2008 12:12 am ET by gok1025
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Sat, 03-22-2008 - 12:29am

I think I'm lost on which notions you're trying to decide between. But anyways, moving on

So, let me get this straight first. You're entertaining the idea of whether or not to take her back...but has she expressed any interest in coming back right now? It didn't seem so from your post and if she isn't, I think you're wasting brain space thinking about it. And furthermore, I'm a big fan of destiny, but I'm a bigger fan of you choose your own destiny. In a completely destiny-free point of view, is this what you imagine your relationships to be like? Seems like there's a lot of revolving door happening here - her way of dealing with major problems is to break up with you. Sounds like she's confused, and she's confusing you in the process. You're correct in deciding to let her be. She'll either decide you're the one or she won't. Move on a bit with your life. Go fulfill some dreams in the meantime.

And on a completely different thread, go down and read "who handles break ups better". No man is a robot. Heck, it's comforting to know that guys hurt just as much as girls during break ups, we're just more vocal about it. And secondly, loser? Excuse me? How in the world did you come to that conclusion? You are not a loser, by any definition of the word. Repeat until you believe. If it's a school social clique thing, I can assure you that in under two years, you'll look back and laugh at how young the whole business is. Promise.

all the best


- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your past - there's a reason they didn't make it into your future.
- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Sat, 03-22-2008 - 1:08am
I am wasting brain space and I'm totally entertaining the idea. You nailed it. She hasn't expressed any interest in coming back to me, but I sometimes think she will because when I told her I was cutting contact with her, she cried and I didn't know what to think from that point on. I'm just confused and don't know what to think about. I think she's confused as well, but I have to stop assuming that. I'm constantly haunted by this thing when I'm alone. It's hard because I don't have people to talk to all the time and I'm trying to do other things i.e do well in school, exercise daily, and even read (which I rarely do). I've made a lot of progress. I don't have to rely on her to make me happy and I'm starting to love myself more, which is something I didn't do before going into this relationship. I was a young 15 year old when this all started and I've been faithful to her all the way. All through high school and now the start of college. It's just hard to walk away from and I'm afraid I'll change for the worse sometimes. I have morals and I don't want them to change when I meet the next person. I've become more emotionally stable in the last month. I wonder most about how to respond to her if she ever decides to message me sometime and I don't know why. It's something I can't control. I read the "who handles break ups better" and I guess I make up that minority haha. Thanks so much for getting me back on the right path.


Edited 3/22/2008 1:32 am ET by gok1025