Who gets the ring??

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005
Who gets the ring??
17
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 12:34pm
So, the love of life decides that we arent meant to be together 6 months before our wedding. I want to keep the engagement ring. Why should he have it? Who get's it. Is it considered legally a "gift" or does it legally belong to the meanest man on earth?

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 1:10pm

I'm sorry for what happened! Traditional etiquette holds that whoever did NOT break the engagement off is entitled to the ring, so since he broke it off, you would keep the ring (if you did, you'd return it).

However, some states have adopted a different view, legally. You might want to do a search on Google regarding the view taken in your state.

Has he asked for it back, is that why you ask?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 2:56pm

flyersgirl78...


Unless your engagement ring was a precious family heirloom, Pianoguy thinks you should keep it!


I have 2 reminders of marriages that didn't work out (aka my wedding rings) and it makes me uncomfortable just looking at them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 4:30pm
Thank you for your words. It's hard. It's only been 3 days. I feel like I gave him everything and am left with nothing. Don't think I would ever wear it or sell it just like to have the satisfaction that at least he doesnt have it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 6:08pm
Most states consider an engagement ring a conditional gift, not an unconditional gift like jewelry he might have given you for your birthday. Unconditional gifts (holidays, birthdays, "just because") are all clearly yours. Most states deem an engagement ring to be a gift conditioned upon the occurrence of the marriage, and to revert back to the purchaser of the ring if the marriage doesn't occur (for whatever reason). But do Google your state and see if you get a better answer.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 6:35pm

Really, *most* states do? I was under the impression it was more of a minority view. If it's true, that's *terrible*...those judges really need to read Emily Post!!!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2003
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 7:43pm

Very sorry to hear of your circumstances.

Just so you know, this is a very down-to-earth perspective with a focus on ancient historal custom - Based on history, I think it's contractual in that the ring is offered to you as a symbol, not of love like we romantically convince ourselves today, but as his half of an agreement that if you marry him he will have the means to shelter, clothe, and feed you. Your half of the agreement is to marry him, be monogamous, and produce heirs. Keep in mind I'm a strong feminist and this is an historical and non-emotional observation of customs (I'm a history nerd) but the base concept is there. It was hurtful and horrible for him to call off the wedding but he essntially made the contract null and void by doing that, neither party is required to uphold their half. Had you married him, I would say 100% you get the ring since you'd fulfilled your half of the contract. (because I'm not saying women are obligated to have children) But be warned this contractual approach might be the type of perspective the Law will take in your state.

Good luck and keep your chin up... somewhere is a man who will give you a ring and be happy you're still wearing it while holding his hand 50 years later. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
Sat, 02-19-2005 - 8:39pm
You should keep it if it's not a bad memory for you.I'm going through the same thing right now. I gaved it back to him because each time I looked at it I'll start crying. Right now I'm canceling all the arrangement. We had all the main thing reserved. Why did it end?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 02-20-2005 - 2:18pm

Hi judimay...


First...Pianoguy is very sorry to hear that your wedding plans didn't work out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 9:35pm
I think legally it's considered a gift and would be yours but personally I wouldn't want it there to remind me of what was and what could have been.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2005
Thu, 02-24-2005 - 9:12pm
i went through the same thing...should he be entitled to the ring? i told him initially that i wouldn't give it back until i was ready. then one night, after a huge fight he demanded it back. i wasn't ready to give it back, but did anyway. it took me almost 2 weeks to take it off in the first place! he promised me that he'd never sell it or get rid of it...but he's since changed his mind on that as well. to be honest, at this point i'm glad that i don't have it. it hurts that he isn't going to keep it, but that decision is out of my hands now. i'm sure if i had it, it would only lead to me putting it back on from time to time and crying my eyes out...which i know is not a healthy way to get over it! it was also hard to do all of the cancellations...the dj, the photographer, the reception hall, etc...but now that it's all done i feel that much stronger. i still have my ups and downs, but those hard parts are over and done with. he and i had those arguments though...is the ring his or mine? i said it was a gift, he said it was a promise of our life together, which was no longer happening. all in all, i'm much happier now that i don't have it...and he has to figure out what to do with it. if i had it right now, what would i do with it anyway? sell it? give it away? throw it away? it would just be a nasty reminder of what i left behind...a hard thing to get rid of at that. i hope this helps you!

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