Who's confused here?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2007
Who's confused here?
2
Sun, 08-05-2007 - 12:20am
I'm in relationship limbo since my boyfriend broke up with me 2 months ago. We'd had a seemingly perfect relationship up until the last two weeks. It seemed out of nowhere, he needed space and he said he couldn't contribute to a relationship right now, and therefore couldn't be with me. Well, I moved from another state to be in this relationship with him so I pretty much have no one else here for me. So we continued to talk because he had said he didn't want it to be the end, he just needed some time alone to figure some things out. After about a month of purgatory, he started to show interest again and we started to hang out again. We had a couple great weekends together and we talked and he said he wanted to "take it slow." Well after those two weekends, it started to go downhill again, but we saw each other maybe one day a week. But it usually ended up being just hanging out and having sex. So finally this past week, after another sex night, I asked him "What are we?" And he said, "I don't know how to answer that honestly." And he asked if I was still okay with things or if I wanted more. I said I was okay. Really I'm not. But since then he's been even more distant than he has been over the past couple weeks. I keep thinking its just because he's been working on moving the last couple weeks but then I think I'm just making excuses for him. When I asked about the state of our relationship, he said he's still confused and trying to figure things out. His confusion makes me confused because to me, "take it slow" meant we were in a relationship but I guess that is not what that meant but more of a string to keep me stringing along without the commitment?

Lisa

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Sun, 08-05-2007 - 1:06am

Hi and welcome,

....."His confusion makes me confused because to me, "take it slow" meant we were in a relationship but I guess that is not what that meant but more of a string to keep me stringing along without the commitment?"..... Why must it be relationship all the way otherwise he must be stringing you along? You're handing him the string. To me, "take it slow" means starting to date all over again. Do you sleep with guys you're only beginning to date? if you do, great, if not, then it's time to draw a new line in the sand. When you respect your boundaries, he will too.

If your world centered on your boyfriend and things connected with him, that's too much. Go get a hobby, an activity, some friends. One of the biggest turn-offs for most any man (some women to, like me) is smothering, no space, attached at the hip, no life outside the relationship. Moving "for someone" doesn't obligate them to be your everything, you have an obligation to yourself to create a good and healthy life no matter where you are, no matter who your'e with. A relationship is only PART of your life, it shouldn't BE your life, not even when you're in a committed relationship or married.

This 'breakup' seems like a prime-time opportunity for you to get your own life in gear, to fill it out and round some corners, add a few facets to your personality and your interests. When you do that, I can promise you you'll be much more attractive to someone, even your ex.

Dry your tears, clear your confusion, close those legs until he can get "unconfused," and get a life. You'll thank me later.

Best,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2007
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 9:47pm

It always makes you feel good to hear kind words ...

Surprising to me that my very first love (and my first you know what) still knows me better than most ... even better than I know myself a little bit.

Heres some words he gave me when I recently told him about my relationship woes:

D(8:56:47 AM): you are unbelievably easy to please

D(8:57:04 AM): all u need is love and dedication

D(8:57:40 AM): suck u gotta always find idiots

Lisa