Why?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2005
Why?
2
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 12:22am

Going to be a bit long and not sure where to post it but here goes.

Seven months we meet online same city and we both have a major health issue.We are both HIV postive so meeting people is VERY hard.

Well after a month of knowing each other no sex he meets my dad.My father has not been a big part of my life it 5th time in 37 years we saw each other.This where i get confused for the first time.He said he came as a friend.

That week the night my dad left we had sex for the first time.I had not been with anyone for 3 years since i found out i was postive.

For the last seven months he has been hot and cold come here go away.He is always online looking for the "one".

I am not the perfect weight nor i am "stunning."

Well i did something rotten i created a fake profile borrowed some photo's of a "stunning" girlfriend of mine.For the last two months he has been talking to my alter "self".This last week he told her he was in love with the "fake " me.

Well thier was a big show down this weekend....After being with me and my friends last Thursday night and flirting with me all night and a mind blowing kiss to end the night.
He then calls me friday afternoon to flirt somemore and to tell me he wants me.

The next thing i know he is out with 6 postive females ....until 3am ...he called to let me know all about it when he got home.

Well Sunday i asked to come over and talk and he was im will do. So i told him what i had done and he freaked i knew he would.I take the all the blame for it.He asked me why and i told him well i wanted to know somethings.I told him you are into looks,cannot deal with real,and everything you say want i am.But if i try to get close you push me away.He was thier is no chemistry and that is that.

Excuse me did i miss something? He came on to me,he made the move for the first kiss not me,he was the one who decided to bed me. I never asked for any of it.Yes i told him i liked him.

Then i did something really stupid i fell in love with him.Well as it stands now he told to get out of his life and leave him alone.I am dealing with that it hurts a lot.

It has come to this in the last few weeks......he sent me a letter of forgiveness and it was all about him after the second line.

He is open to me emailing him only. He does "not" want me all alone in this fight we have with HIV.

So why did he do this?I tried to walk away from him 3 times and each time he came after me not wanting to let me go.He is more pissed off about the fake profile than any thing else.

So why meet my dad? Knowing the land mines there?

Why send me love letters?

Keep me on the phone talking for 5 or 6 hours some days?

Why to any of it?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: frogprincessforyou
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 11:39am

I think anytime we try to figure out "why" we are in for a long, painful ride without any answers or resolution. It's natural to wonder "why", we've all done it...but in the end, I've found that the only thing that really matters is accepting what IS, without necessarily understanding "why".

This man does not have the desire and/or the capability to be in a committed, monogamous relationship. He has shown you that by his actions. He doesn't want to let you go, but he's not willing or capable of being monogamous. Is that someone you really want to be with?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
In reply to: frogprincessforyou
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 2:02pm

hi frogprincessforyou

well i think the only reason thats why your falling inlove with this person. coz you know that he has same sickness like yours. i mean everyone are seeking for a secured relationship and in your situation its very hard. finally you found this person and think his the one. but i'm assuming his a bigtime player. he likes to sleep around and like you mention his been dating 6 positive females. well i guess they want to stick with him coz they could do whatever they want coz they have hiv also. i'm thinking its very hard to look for another positive male partner.

no matter what you have right now. dont let it hold your future and your happiness in life. i know its hard!!! but remember things happen for reason. i really wish you luck. god bless you