why?!?
Find a Conversation
why?!?
| Sat, 10-08-2005 - 11:54am |
i've been kind of lurking in the background for the last couple of months. i've been going through my own relationship hell and reading everyone else's posts has gotten me through some really rough spots. i wish i'd paid a little more attention though, especially to the ones advising no contact. i wish i'd listened!
long story short: my ex and i were together for about eight months, but honestly it felt like a hell of a lot longer because there was so much chaos and drama the entire time. when we got together he was separated from his now ex-wife (mistake number one) and although we worked together, i thought i could handle it (mistake number two). i thought we should take things slow, that he needed time to be alone and sort all his stuff out, but he disagreed and we went headfirst into a relationship. i thought at the time it seemed too soon, but i ignored my instincts because i had such strong feelings for him and was thrilled that he seemed to have them for me too. at first we were unbelievably happy, probably happier than i had ever been with anyone before. he seemed happy too, and i really thought this was it. shortly after, things began to unravel.
truthfully, i had had hints to his true character very early on, but i dismissed them quickly and continued on. he became extremely, irrationally jealous, sullen, withdrawn, and mean. he started spending more and more time with his friends and less with me, stayed out until all hours drinking and going to strip bars, etc. i was miserable, but the more he seemed to be pulling away, the more i needed him. i went crazy trying to figure out what i was doing wrong, going out of my way to think up ways to get him to be the person he was when we first got together. of course, the harder i tried, the more he pulled away. after a horrible vacation to mexico when he left me sick as a dog at his house while he went out with his friends, i knew in my heart it was over, had been over for a long time. sadly, it took me four more months (and finding out he was cheating on me) to finally break it off.
i tried the no contact thing, but he couldn't seem to stick to it. i didn't call, email, text message, anything. he never stopped though, even though he was on a business trip thousands of miles away. he called me every day, messaged me. i was thinking that this trip was the perfect thing to help me finally get over it, that not having to see him every day at work would be the only way. if i had stuck to that, things might have been different. instead i spent the entire time "away" from him talking to him all night on the phone, messaging, etc. i never got the break i needed.
he came back, and the very first night called and asked me to come over. i ignored all my instincts to the contrary and went. we spent the night together, but it was not the same. i actually started to cry when we finished having sex. it was horrible. it felt so empty and sad. things had been so different once, and my heart broke all over again. i lay there all night with my eyes closed, but could not sleep. i spent the next five hours trying, but no sleep came. it was horrible.
when he called me the next day, drunk as usual, at 3:30 in the morning, babbling about how i didn't care about him and how hot he thought my friend was, i knew i'd made a mistake.
being the fool that i am however, i went back again.
i feel like i undid any of the progress i had made without him, and was so ashamed of myself for giving myself up for so little. he did not put forth one ounce of effort toward me. i was the one who went to him.
if he is not contacting you, it is a good thing. i was strong enough not to call or message him, but not strong enough to stay away. every day i relearn this lesson. i got him back, but not in the way i wanted. he will never be what i need, and will never put forth any effort to be with me. he is perfectly happy just having sex with me. while my feelings are still very strong, his are completely gone. yet he still calls, still texts. and i respond every time. he even encourages me to meet someone else, someone better. and my fool ass just keeps going back for more!
this was longer than i meant it to be, but seriously. no contact is the only way to go. if i could only take my own advice! don't settle for anything less than the best. my father gave me this piece of advice once, and it still holds true: "never expect more from someone than they are willing or able to give."
he is unwilling and unable to give me what i need!
every day is a new opportunity to regain what you have lost.
i may not always succeed, but i always try. we will all get through this!
long story short: my ex and i were together for about eight months, but honestly it felt like a hell of a lot longer because there was so much chaos and drama the entire time. when we got together he was separated from his now ex-wife (mistake number one) and although we worked together, i thought i could handle it (mistake number two). i thought we should take things slow, that he needed time to be alone and sort all his stuff out, but he disagreed and we went headfirst into a relationship. i thought at the time it seemed too soon, but i ignored my instincts because i had such strong feelings for him and was thrilled that he seemed to have them for me too. at first we were unbelievably happy, probably happier than i had ever been with anyone before. he seemed happy too, and i really thought this was it. shortly after, things began to unravel.
truthfully, i had had hints to his true character very early on, but i dismissed them quickly and continued on. he became extremely, irrationally jealous, sullen, withdrawn, and mean. he started spending more and more time with his friends and less with me, stayed out until all hours drinking and going to strip bars, etc. i was miserable, but the more he seemed to be pulling away, the more i needed him. i went crazy trying to figure out what i was doing wrong, going out of my way to think up ways to get him to be the person he was when we first got together. of course, the harder i tried, the more he pulled away. after a horrible vacation to mexico when he left me sick as a dog at his house while he went out with his friends, i knew in my heart it was over, had been over for a long time. sadly, it took me four more months (and finding out he was cheating on me) to finally break it off.
i tried the no contact thing, but he couldn't seem to stick to it. i didn't call, email, text message, anything. he never stopped though, even though he was on a business trip thousands of miles away. he called me every day, messaged me. i was thinking that this trip was the perfect thing to help me finally get over it, that not having to see him every day at work would be the only way. if i had stuck to that, things might have been different. instead i spent the entire time "away" from him talking to him all night on the phone, messaging, etc. i never got the break i needed.
he came back, and the very first night called and asked me to come over. i ignored all my instincts to the contrary and went. we spent the night together, but it was not the same. i actually started to cry when we finished having sex. it was horrible. it felt so empty and sad. things had been so different once, and my heart broke all over again. i lay there all night with my eyes closed, but could not sleep. i spent the next five hours trying, but no sleep came. it was horrible.
when he called me the next day, drunk as usual, at 3:30 in the morning, babbling about how i didn't care about him and how hot he thought my friend was, i knew i'd made a mistake.
being the fool that i am however, i went back again.
i feel like i undid any of the progress i had made without him, and was so ashamed of myself for giving myself up for so little. he did not put forth one ounce of effort toward me. i was the one who went to him.
if he is not contacting you, it is a good thing. i was strong enough not to call or message him, but not strong enough to stay away. every day i relearn this lesson. i got him back, but not in the way i wanted. he will never be what i need, and will never put forth any effort to be with me. he is perfectly happy just having sex with me. while my feelings are still very strong, his are completely gone. yet he still calls, still texts. and i respond every time. he even encourages me to meet someone else, someone better. and my fool ass just keeps going back for more!
this was longer than i meant it to be, but seriously. no contact is the only way to go. if i could only take my own advice! don't settle for anything less than the best. my father gave me this piece of advice once, and it still holds true: "never expect more from someone than they are willing or able to give."
he is unwilling and unable to give me what i need!
every day is a new opportunity to regain what you have lost.
i may not always succeed, but i always try. we will all get through this!
