Why am I back here again?!?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2005
Why am I back here again?!?
3
Mon, 09-19-2005 - 12:56pm
I woke up this a.m. and felt like I had been run over by a truck. I thought I was making progress since my ex and I broke up two weeks ago. I had a fun weekend and even met someone (no one I would REALLY consider dating right now). But when I woke up this a.m. everything just felt like it hit me all over again, only as bad as it was the first day. Is this normal? I feel like I have been fighting a panic attack all day and I just don't get it. I know we are better off finding someone better suited for each of us. But I just feel so devestated without him right now. Am I finally missing him? Is this going to happen every two weeks for the next year? two years?!? I'm freaking out!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Mon, 09-19-2005 - 1:13pm

I woke up yesterday and this morning feeling what you are feeling right now....I don't want to scare you, but i broke up with my ex a year ago.....and i'm still hurting and still trying to let go. That doesn't mean it will take you a year, it might take less it might actually take more, no one knows....Everyone situation is different, even though we are all experiencing hurt/pain/and heartache.....and our situations may be similar but they are not all the same and with comes different issues to deal with, and it also depends what you do in your own healing process that will determine how long it takes.

For me, i'm still struggling because i haven't found a way to let go of regret/guilt, and i haven't been able to come to terms with my decisions that led to my break up with my ex...we were together for 4years and lived together for 2...He was a great guy who loved me very much, and I let him go...and now am trying to live with the decision i made...It's so difficult to deal with regret and guilt, and i know that once i figure out what i need to do to let go of that, i will be able to heal and truely let go of my ex. I miss him like crazy and every moment of every day memories of our life together come flashing in my head, then the memories of my decision to leave him come racing in my mind and then the pain takes over my body....I too, feel like i'm having a panic attack...the worst part is, you never know when it's going to hit you....It just does....One thing i can say forsure that i think will NOT help in your healing is still having contact with your ex......my ex and i have still been contacting eachother for this whole year we've been broken up, so take it from me when i say you just can't move on by doing this....I know that that is one of the major factors in me not being able to move on....but i'm trying very hard to do the nc thing now.

Take Care.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2005
Mon, 09-19-2005 - 3:25pm
Well I have no urge to see him. I don't want to talk to him, see him or even be on the same side of the city as him. I actually start to tremble when I'm walking around areas I think he could maybe be in. And I can't avoid those areas (work). But the thing is we have the same group of friends and although we aren't all hanging out, there are some events that I know we will have to see eachother at. I'm so scared I may fall apart. I can't believe this is happening to me. i thought I was stronger then this. Maybe I'm just letting the hurt feelings finally come to the surface. I'm so hurt that he would do this (even though I understad why) and I'm so upset that he would turn away from me and want to live a life without me! Now, here is the confusing thing.....through all of this hurt I'm struggling with the knowledge of what it is like to do this, because I have done it to him before. I left him over a year ago and was so strong then, I know it was right for us to part. but we got back together and I caved for him. Then I was about to break up with him back in March and freaked out and couldn't imagine mylife without him so I rallied. And now I'm in this downward spiral! does anyone have any works of advice - I feel like I'm drowning here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Mon, 09-19-2005 - 3:46pm

Oh do I ever know where you're coming from, both on getting back together with ex's and having the same group of friends. My boyfriend and I are heading toward the end and it's absolutely awful but what's even worse is knowing that we share a very large group of common friends. Before we got back together this last time I was in the horrible position of having to see him with his then girlfriend at our friends' social gatherings and it was torture for me. But, I always made sure I looked good, REALLY good (better than her, haha!)and even if I was dying inside, I at least looked like I was having the time of my life. You need to do that too. It also makes it a little more tolerable if you at least think he may be thinking he made a mistake!!! I'm sorry you're hurting so much. It's so hard to get past the sadness when you really love someone but eventually you will just like I did, just like I will again if we can't manage to work it out. I sincerely wish you the very best and hope that your heart feels light again!! Keep busy and do your best to make new friends. You can still hang out with the other ones but I think it's important to have a separate social outlet too so you can go out and just enjoy yourself without having to fake anything!!!

Take care!
Tracy