Why am I going backwards????
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Why am I going backwards????
| Mon, 05-07-2007 - 9:42am |
I was doing so well. I thought I was on the upswing. For a whole week and a half I hardly thought about it in a sad way. I wasn't depressed. Now since Friday I've been a complete emotional wreck. I did the thought stopping and that wasn't helping, the more I tried to stop it the more determined my mind was to think about it. This morning I was just consumed. I just want the pain to stop, when does it stop!
I know him and I will never be together. I know its not meant to be its not right, I can't deal with his cowardice but it doesn't make me love him any less. And where is he? Its been a month of NC and nothing from him. I think I'm just so upset because he just moved on and is over it. I feel like I deserve more than this pain, what did I do to deserve to feel like this while he gets to go on like nothing happened and live his perfect life with his perfect family? Why can't I just get over this already???? I'm so frustrated that I can't find it in me to just forget it!
I know him and I will never be together. I know its not meant to be its not right, I can't deal with his cowardice but it doesn't make me love him any less. And where is he? Its been a month of NC and nothing from him. I think I'm just so upset because he just moved on and is over it. I feel like I deserve more than this pain, what did I do to deserve to feel like this while he gets to go on like nothing happened and live his perfect life with his perfect family? Why can't I just get over this already???? I'm so frustrated that I can't find it in me to just forget it!

"...he gets to go on like nothing happened and live his perfect life with his perfect family"
"His perfect family" - does that mean this man is married, or otherwise attached?
mblade2006
"Just because everything is different
But take comfort in the fact that you're not the only one going through this, and we will eventually get better. This is just a minor setback. Pretty soon we'll be back to our happy, fun-loving selves and we will have gotten over them 100%.
He was broken up with his ex-girlfriend for 5 months before he met me. We were friends for 5 months before we were anything and were together for a year. He has a son with the ex. Him and I were engaged, when he told her he was getting married she said that him her and the baby can be a family again. He decided that he was going to 'try' it with her, but she doesn't really know that he's trying anything. This is why I'm so upset because all the while he is adament that he's in love with me but he wants the baby. Basically he's a big coward and won't stand up for me or stand up to his ex and tell her to knock it off. I know we can't be together but why does he get to go on and be happy and I get nothing but this depression that I can't shake?
don't be too hard on yourself. we all go back to those emotions at one point or another. it's natural. sometimes we have good days sometimes we have bad days. you just go through it all and hope that the next morning is a good one. i know how you feel. i've been doing great for almost a month, and then once we started seeing each other again (read..hooking up..bad i know) it's made me relapse in a bad way. because i know that he's still getting what he wants, and what he doesnt want is a relationship with me. and although i thought i wanted just this too, if i'm true to myself, i know i dont. i want more than just hooking up and i can't have it and it's making me miss what we had before so much more. so i guess think that you're lucky in a way, since you don't see him, and you've been strong and had no contact with him. think of all the progress you've made in the past few weeks, and how you know you can be happy and not think of him 24/7. you've already been there. so although this is hard, this too shall pass..
hugs..