Why am I not able to let go?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Why am I not able to let go?
5
Wed, 02-14-2007 - 12:14pm

Hi -
Sorry for posting again. I know I feel like I am too needy but had to post :(
Ok - So why am I not able to let go? It has been 4 months, and if I have anything new happen in my day to day stuff, I want to call or email and share it with him. I find something that makes me laugh or a new joke and I want to email that to him. Why can't I get a grip on myself? Why do I always keep hurting by thinking of him everytime and wanting to share, when that person obviously cares NOTHING about my life anymore.

I know I am not a teenager. I am 35 and this is not my first relationship. So why do I feel so broken hearted this time. I have had couple of other failed ones when I was in my early 20s and then felt this intensely about someone only recently. Maybe I had given up on those feelings. Wish it just didnt hurt so much. Now who said - it is better to have loved than not at all. All I can feel is that song by Kelly Clarkson 'behind those hazel eyes'

I am trying to exercise, stay cheerful, work but I just can't seem to stop caring and thinking about him. I know he doesnt deserve it, but I can't help these feelings. It totally sucks!

Thanks for letting me vent.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 02-14-2007 - 12:21pm
Hi gal_summer, every time you hear or feel or think about something you want to share with him, write it down.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2006
Wed, 02-14-2007 - 1:35pm


ok let me ask that question back to you - why aren't you able to let go??

maybe cause you don't want to. it's the companionship that you miss. not him. understand the difference. what you said about wanting to tell him funny things that happened - you miss the friend and partner you had in him. not *him*.

it happens to me too. when i dress up for a party and am looking extra pretty i start to wish he could see me and then i very consciously tell myself - no . this is for me. i dont have to share "me" with anyone to feel good. i've dressed up for myself.

whenever i start to feel like i want to tell him this or that - i stop myself and tell myself. he doesn't give a damn! and whats more - nor do i! all of last 4 years was a horrible lie. and i SHALL not continue it anymore, not even in my mind. i've spent the last 4 years of my life wanting him. not going to waste a single moment doing that anymore!!

good luck! hope this helps!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2006
Wed, 02-14-2007 - 4:13pm
I admit I am not always the best at dealing with this sort of thing (read drunk dial rehab) but I always like to get a response on here. It sounds like you may be suffering from depression. I suggest you talk to a counselor. It has helped me. I know that it is so hard to lose someone you love and I am not minimizing those feelings, but you should be able to move on and you deserve to be happy. If you are still finding it so difficult to cope it may help to talk to someone and know that their are options, you don't have to live like that. Just think of it as a proactive move in trying to feel better, and even that will empower you. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2006
Wed, 02-14-2007 - 4:20pm
Sorry that post was actually a reply to the original thread and not to "doing good", who seems to be doing good. I still don't know how to work this thing!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Wed, 02-14-2007 - 9:46pm

Hi -
Thanks for all the replies. I think I miss the companionship, definitely, person who supported me emotionally. I will start to write more of those unsent letters. I am seeing a therapist who thinks I should focus on myself, and not the guy who definitely had issues. Therapist seems to think I am obsessed with the guy - I dont think so, I am grieving but I am not about to start emailing, calling or doing anything stupid. I am level headed :) About some level of depression, guess, maybe at times I am depressed though I can still do my day to day stuff..thank goodness for that.

Guess posting here and just getting replies helps a lot. So thanks for that. Take care all.