why am i so hard on myself

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2003
why am i so hard on myself
10
Wed, 10-18-2006 - 8:44pm
i only dated this guy for the past three months, we hung out about 1 sometimes 2 times per month. when we were together we had a great time and he treated me very well. on the other hand he rarely called (text only) and went home on weekends often (his family lives out of state). so mentioned to him i felt like we were not making much progress (after 3 months) and it seems like ever since he is just doing the "fade". which i guess its better off that we do not continue as it seemed to be going nowhere. but at the same time this is one of the first guys ive actually liked and let my gaurd down to since i broke up with my ex 2 years ago. and this is what happens. i open up and get screwed! and as ridiculous as the situation with him was, i am taking it very hard. i just dont understand why!! and he didnt even call me to tell me, he has just slowly been distancing himself. i am trying my hardest to just let go but i cant stop thinking about it! i guess the worst part is not really knowing why. what do you all think? anyone else have this problem? and to top it all off i am now trying to get a hold of another guy i dated this summer. why cant i just move on and deal?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Wed, 10-18-2006 - 9:58pm


Thought this might help.

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 12:53pm

Hi Sandra!

PG thought the "summary guide for dating" suggestions were excellent! If more women (and men) took the time to read them...there would probably be a lot less hurt and a lot more happy!

To stephstar333...I think you have to S-L-O-W D-O-W-N a little bit? If you keep jumping from one relationship to another without catching your breath (aka giving yourself time to recover and heal)...you'll ultimately end up HEARTBROKEN again?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 1:08pm

This is what I would do if I was in your shoes, and I was with my ex. My ex started to become distant and didn't return my calls one night that we were going to see each other. I basically called him one last time and asked him if he wants this relationship to continue to please call because I am getting mixed signals. I said a lot more but in a nut shell that was the message. He never returned my call and this happened 4 months ago and I still don't have any answers on why he ended our 8 month relationship the way he did and neither do any of his friends. He was the first guy I fell in love with after my divorce 3 years ago and I did let my guard down because I thought I could trust him but I was wrong. You have to do what your heart feels is right. Sometimes we may never get answers on why guys act the way they do but we have total control of how we react to their actions. Don't let his rude actions run your life. Take control of your life and live it to the fullest rather it be with or without him.

Good Luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 2:20pm

Hey PG!

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 3:15pm

Hmmmm I dont totally agree with the others on this subject.


I dont think 1-2 dates

One Little Ladybug
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 3:25pm

I'm kind of confused.... 3 months at 1-2 times a month is at the most 6 dates. You've been in his company 6 times and from what you posted, I gather that you are way more attached to him than he is to you.

Him being unavailable on the weekends, fading and not returning calls would indicate that 'he's just not that into you'. It could just be a compatibility thing. Maybe he recognized the incompatibility but is unwilling to share it with you. You can't make him talk to you. You can remain confident that you are a nice, good person and that while you let down your guard, you will recover and meet someone that feels the same way about you that you feel about them.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 4:28pm

I believe that when PG said to slow down, he was referring to the fact that she's not even over one guy and she's already contemplating another.

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 5:36pm

Aaah that makes perfect sense.


One Little Ladybug
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 5:55pm

Hello again, Sandra!

You interpreted Pianoguy's thoughts perfectly!

As You and I already know...there are women who aren't completely over an EX...but who are also TOTALLY AFRAID to spend an entire weekend alone without a man! So "the first moderately good looking man wearing a pair of pants" is gonna get approached!

Sadly...the end results can be devastating!

There ARE some men who are more than happy to take advantage of a woman's emotional state caused by a recent breakup! I don't have to 'spell out the consequences' for anybody...since most of the ivillagers who visit this board already know the meaning of the 2 words:

SEDUCED & ABANDONED!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2003
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 6:47pm
thank you all so much for your replies, its so nice to here people's opinions! just to clarify one thing, i made an error when i wrote my initial entry. we were actually seeing each other 1-2 times per week, not month! woops. not like thats a huge difference anyway!