why am I still talking to him!! help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2006
why am I still talking to him!! help!
1
Sun, 08-26-2007 - 10:08pm
I have posted my situation so long story short... I am young, got pregnant, we decided to try and make things work if they could for our child. I later found out he was cheating on me toward the end of our relationship, and when I was 7 and 8 months pregnant. I am due in 5 weeks. I confronted him once and he lied. I then talked to the girl and she told me the truth. I confronted him again to let him know that I knew what really happened and that I was reconsidering giving the child his last name, or even allowing him in the delivery room. He said he would try and sue me for full custody if I did either (clearly just trying to bully me cause i know the likelyhood of that actually happening) I left with both of us angry and with him saying he didn't care about how I felt about what he did. He sent me a few text messages saying he was sorry and was so mean and didn't mean any of it, couldn't believe he had put himself in this situation etc... he then proceeded to call me, which stupidly I answered the phone, and he apologized again and said he couldn't believe he was such a jerk etc... and I told him to figure out what he wants and to mean it 100%... I, like an idiot, went to lunch with him the next day and wasn't really nice to him but talked baby matters, which needed to be done I guess, he gave me a huge hug and wouldn't let go and kissed my forehead and I just turned and left. he texted me the next night after this to say goodnight and I was out with friends and didn't respond, he then called me the next day, again stupidly I answered him, to ask why no response... we talked for a bit, I was being nice and so was he and he told me to call him after my baby shower the same day... which of course i am sure you know that I did. Why am I still talking to this loser... I think I am scared that he will get mad and things will go ugly with our child. I still want him as a support system while I am pregnant but he has proven he is not worthy of that. I am such a pushover and I can't believe I don't have the guts to just say to him that he treated me poorly and should have to sit and wait for the birth of our child knowing nothing and not getting the opportunity to be updated and talk to me. He keeps thinking of reasons to call and talk to me, not making it very easy for me to ignore him. Like he will call me tomorrow and let me know how his first day at his new job went... I may also be talking to him because I don't want him to get back with her. I am so competitive and such a pushover it really makes even me sick about it. I am only being this brutally honest about myself because I need some advice I have made this mistake before (without a child involved) of just being available and letting something serious go so that the guy wouldn't be with anyone else... I don't know. Should I keep things civil and talk to him but not get back together with him, or should I tell him to take a hike, for lack of better words :) and I am pretty sure what he did to me is unforgiveable how do I take the steps of not talking to him, I hate to be mean.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 1:18am

*thoughtfully* Sometimes having children involved complicates things. For the next month, take a break from him. Afterwards, if he wants to have a relationship with his child, you can worry about the custody arrangements with (perferably) a lawyer. Then your only coversations should be about the child you two have together. Simple enough.

As for cutting contact, if you KNOW you can't turn down his calls, eliminate the temptation. Delete his contacts, change your number. It's like going on a diet but staring at a box of chocolate all day. You remove the box, your likelihood of eating it is much lower.

cheers
Susanna

- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your