Why Are the Mornings So Hard?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2005
Why Are the Mornings So Hard?
7
Tue, 01-16-2007 - 8:46am

I have gotten past the hard to fall asleep at night, but the AMs are hard, I wake up really sad and don't feel like getting up at all. It's not like we woke up every AM together, we didn't live together.

I find myself checking my email before I go to work, though I know there will be nothing from him.

I have been wondering lately what I could have done differently with 'him'. Not flown off the handle, not been so mean in response to when he hurt me (Not physically)

SIGH. I wish he would just work with me to talk this out. I am so sad b/c I really thought we could make it work. But he is not willing to really say 'goodbye'. Why can't I just relax about this whole thing? Because this is the man I love and wanted to marry/spend the rest of my life with but he doubts I mean any of that now! It's as though he is tying my hands b/c he wants his "SPACE".

Thanks for reading. My Blackberry is just fired up with work emails and they all seem so trivial to me.....I've got to find a new job.

Any tips? This no contact and "SPACE" thing really makes me crazy. I am on day 3 of NC. I am a fixer and a doer but it's like I said, he is tying my hands on it. I want to respect his request to have space to get his life together and pass his test, but I miss him so much and just want to see him/be with him. :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
Tue, 01-16-2007 - 11:47am

Um... ditto.

Holy cow! I cannot believe just how similar we are... Morning are hard for me too. I am and have been in the habit of watching for that special good morning email. I found that shutting my laptop down at night keeps me from going from bed to desk to check for it. It took me over a week to start that. Now, when I get to work I say my hellos before I check my email.

I know that he isn't going to email me - so why would I keep looking.

congrats on the NC. I talked to C yesterday... but like I said it was really nice. I did tell him that I miss the every day things... and this morning I half expected an email to be there. It hurt when there wasn't. But you know what? I didn't cause this. HE decided it was over.

I too am a doer... and a fixer. I never tried to fix him or change him in any way. I wanted him to feel ok to lean on me through the tough times, but he would never let me in.

Don't have a one-sided battle. If he's not willing to talk or to give you your say - then you are only hurting you by holding on. I know that sounds cold and I think you know that I would never mean it that way. That's what I have to tell me every morning.

Nights actually are harder for me, because I miss our late night chats about nothing. We used to sometimes just stay up all night talking. Not often... because of my responsibilities during the day... but sometimes. I miss those chats. I miss his voice and his laugh. I miss his sense of humor.

However, I am getting more sleep. I am spending more time with my kids. I am spending more time on me when I can get the courage to be alone. That's hard for me, because I don't like to be alone. I like alone time when I decide to have it - but I like having lunch with him and coffee after work for a few minutes.

It's not so much the romance... he stopped that a long time ago without me seeing it. I miss the everyday little things that we used to do for and with each other. And, he misses them too. I know this because he told me.

I wish we could get to the issues. I wish I could get a chance to hear the real reasons, other than "I need to make decisions and changes in my life and all of them lead to me hurting you. I can't ask you to wait any more. Our lives are going in two different directions and I don't think this is right." Huh? We both want to be married, with kids, in the house with the white picket fence. I want to be a SAH mom and to be involved with my kids activities and schools.

I would still work from home... but I wanted to be there to take care of things to make everyone else happy because that makes ME happy. I'm a traditionalist I guess... Yet, I've always been a non-traditional mom. I work full time and run a business on the side. I go to school almost full time. I moved back home with the kids 3 years after my divorce so that I would have help with the kids so that I COULD go back to school.

Anyhow I'm rambling AGAIN.

My heart goes out to you. I have one word of advice. Keep yourself from asking the coulda, shoulda, woulda questions. When you start... and I know this sounds stupid but it works... Say this:

"Take out that TAPE. Put it on the GROUND. SMASH it to itty bitty pieces and throw the pieces in the TRASH can over there. When it's time for the trash man to come... it will be emptied and your heart will be lighter" I made that up... but when I start to hear his voice, or his advice or start talking internally with myself about him... that is what I do.

*hugs*

I'm sorry :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Tue, 01-16-2007 - 7:32pm

yap i know exactly what your feeling....sigh!!!!

anyways we cant do anything....they wants to be alone(yeah right)LOL.....good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2007
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 2:33pm
well I AM NEW here. I posted up top about feeling sad. But wanted to say sorry to you and wish I could give advice. I just tried to eat some cottage cheese and could barley swallow it and cried while trying. I know it is probably funny if I think about it. As I stated in my other post, I feel like a teenager. Who knew this could be so hard. I didn't sleep last night cause I KNEW IT WAS OVER, and I know I won't sleep tonight cause it ''IS'' over.
anyway just wanted to say sorry to you and your not alone.. maybe tonight I will try to think of you and how you are doing rather then me and him....ugh!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2006
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 1:06pm
I agree..the mornings are hard. I have found a solutions for the nights though. I go to the gym after work or take a class or meet some friend for dinner or watch TV until midnight. But I try to get myself so tired that the physical fatigue takes over and I drift off to sleep. I try to cope with the mornings by reading newspapers or making a to-do list of things the previous evening before leaving work. I think keeping busy is the key. Hopefully time will take care of the rest. Though its easier said than done. Even 3 months after the break-up, I sometimes still get anxiety attacks and feel like I cannot breathe.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2006
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 5:45pm
The mornings are so hard, I think, because I've finally gotten to sleep and am able to not think about it during the hours I am sleeping. But then when I wake up the realization that it's over washes over me AGAIN and I have to re-adjust to what my life is now vs. life with him in it. That's what I think sucks so hard, ugh.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2007
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 10:41am

Hi there,

I know exactly what you are feeling. Mornings are super hard for me too. Everyday, I just want to cry and it's extremely hard for me just to get out of the bed. The worst part is that I am a morning person. I normally LOVE mornings. I usually wake up, study for 3 or 4 hours, go to university and la vita é bella. Since the breakup, everything has changed. Sometimes, I can't even breath and I just want to stay there for the whole day.

Yep, mornings are a bitch.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 11:42am
I know this was from a long time ago but I'm going through this now. I tire myself out completely at night so I just fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. but when the morning rolls around I wake up at 5:20am and cry until 7:30 when I have to get up for work. Its really hard because in my dreams its so perfect and we are together and then i wake up and I have to face another day without him.