Why can't he get out of my head for good

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Why can't he get out of my head for good
5
Sun, 02-20-2005 - 1:05am

Hi there,

My ex and I have been apart for almost 4 months now. We haven't talked or seen each other since then. It was a bad break up. I found out he met someone else and he dumped me over the computer and then told me that after 5 months all I was to him was a "friend with benefits". I was soooo angry and upset all at once I vowed to never EVER talk to him again, nor be his friend (like he wanted us to be.)

It's difficult because I'm still friends with one of his closest friends. We don't talk about my ex at all ... but I feel like my ex will always be a reminder, you know? I just don't know anymore.

I'm over what happened and have dealt with my pain. A lot of crying and talking with friends helped me get myself back together. The thing is .. he was my first everything pretty much and that made the break up so much worse. I'm not angry, but just knowing he's in a relationship (after he broke it off with me saying "I don't want a realtionship with anyone right now.") and I'm not pisses me off. I'm sooo much better than him and why is he happy with someone and I'm not? It's just not fair! I hate him for how he hurt me and I just want to know ... why can't I just forget him all together .. like he never existed? I just wish I could forget him all together!

Ok, thanks for listening to me vent .. time for bed ...

Lynne

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2004
Sun, 02-20-2005 - 10:02am

"I'm sooo much better than him and why is he happy with someone and I'm not?"

You are not *happy with someone* because you chose to do the smart thing and grieve for your loss. This WILL make you a better person. "Mr. Lovesurfer" opted for the shortcut, and is now settling with the honey. By not stopping to learn from your experience, you may be doomed to repeat them. You can't forget him (right now) because he is one of life's lesson.

Be patient, Lynne. Keep venting and keep sorting things through. You will find answers you can live with and move on.

Good luck,

Mimiche

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 02-20-2005 - 11:13am

It might be time to consider counseling so you can get to the point of accepting that the two of you aren't right for each other. If you were truly over him (i.e., have reached acceptance), you wouldn't hate him, you'd just be indifferent. And it's not necessary to "forget" someone in order to be over them.

You might also consider taking a break from hanging out with your mutual friend. I was friends with one ex's mother, and we tried to keep the friendship up, but even when we didn't talk about him, it was too much of a reminder, so I didn't see her for a while. We are now back in contact; she understood why I needed to do that.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2004
Sun, 02-20-2005 - 12:35pm
Give yourself some more time. That's all you need right now is time, by yourself to sort out the pain your feeling. It has been 5 mos for me, and yes, I still think of him everyday, but the pain is not intense as it use to be. Having NO Contact, and sorting out what I need to sort out, was the key for me. It doesn't matter he's with someoene else right now, it's about YOU, and what you need to do at this point to heal. You will heal from this, and once you do, you will realize some valuable lessons from the relationship. I know I have learned so much from my ordeal, that I'm such a different person, and I'm finally standing up for myself, and what I want in life and a man. I truly believe with time, WE both will be ourselves once again, and our ordeal will be the past. Have faith in yourself, and you will see the changes. Take care, and good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sun, 02-20-2005 - 7:45pm

Thank you so much for your advice! I appreciate it! Have a great rest of the weekend!

Lynne

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 9:32pm
Let it all out!!
Photobucket