Why Cant I get over this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2004
Why Cant I get over this?
2
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 9:08am

I posted this in another board, but hoping to find help here too.

I know I have posted a lot and I thank each and every right one of you who has helped me through this painful breakup..

Long story short...dated a guy for several months, ended up breaking up back at the end of Sept, and we have been friends ever since. Well the problem has been with me, because I never have been satisfied with just being friends. I still miss him and love him so much. But I know he just doesnt want to be with me like that anymore. I know this so why can't I just let it go and move on? I still think of him everyday, get excited when he talks to me or comes to visit me. Even though lately I havent seen him much because we have been both really busy with our own stuff.

I want to be his friend and not worry about who he is with and all that. But for some reason I cant shake this feeling that I still love him and that things will be back as they used to be, even though I know in my heart it wont. I dont want to show jealousy if he has friends who are girls hanging out with him, I dont want to get upset if he is talking to his ex girlfriend who was a big factor in our relationship. Even though our relationship itself wasnt perfect, I still have him on this platform and I want to be back in his arms soo bad.

I know he doesnt like me as a girlfriend anymore, so why can't I get over it? I have done that in the past when guys dont like me, and I have been fine...why is this one taking so long to get over?

Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2005
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 4:36pm

Hi

The reasons you can't get over with your ex is 1) you still see him and 2) you still have feeling for him. Being friend with someone you have special feeling but the other doesn't have same feeling is really difficult. You are NOT ready to have a friendship with your ex. I thought I was able to do it after my breakup because I didn't want him to forget about me. No I didn't work out. As much as I saw or talked to him (even emails), I expected more and more, and disappointed and hurt a lot. I finally realized that I wasn't (even now nearly 4 months) ready to have frienship with my ex. I didn't and still don't want to see him with other girls.

Until you are ready to see him with other girls, it is good for YOU not to have any contact with him. It is not easy to imagine a life without him, but you need to accept it. We've been all through this difficult time. This message board helped me so much while I was going through the most difficult time. We are here for you. Keep posted.

Aloha

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2004
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 4:38pm

thank you for your support. I agree with you that I need to slowly decrease my contact with him, but yeah Im afraid that he will forget about me. And thats sad in my eyes. But I hope that our friendship is stronger than that, and that it wont be like this for much longer, at least painful on my side.

Thank you for your advice:)