Why cant i get past 3 mths???

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2007
Why cant i get past 3 mths???
3
Thu, 02-08-2007 - 5:44pm

This is the first time i have posted anything on this but basically need some advice as I'm starting to question my sanity !!!

I'm 33 independant, running my own home, have good job etc.. not exactly Angelina Jolie but not exactly the back of a bus either. I married young (23) and that ended in Jan 2000. Since then I only seem to be able to attact emotionally odd men. They all seem to be ready to start a relationship but as soon as I start falling for them they then decide that they still cannot get over the ex-girlfriend or ex-wife and disappear.

I am not a clingy person, dont really suffer with jealousy and have pretty easy going kind of attitude and think that although in a relationship (if thats what you can call it) you dont have to be joined at the hip.

The last few guys I have dated have just upped and left without a word. We seem to get on really well and words of love are said, plans are made then all of a sudden pretty much without warning I end up never hearing from them again (well not unless they want the usual physical part!!). They never seem to have the courage to just say I dont want to see you anymore they just literally disappear, no calls, no texts etc.. I then find out they have either gone back to their ex's or are seeing someone else!!

It makes me constantly question whether it is me...My friends and family all say the usual it's not you, it's them and they just arent the right guy for you.

But how many do times does this have to happen. I feel like I am incapable of attracting just a normal nice guy..I have always been attracted to the bad boy but realised this was not the way to go. Even the supposed nice guys seem to act this way. I dont put pressure on things and just like to see how things go but the result is always the same.

Please help!!! Is it me ??????? If you have experienced the same or have any advice please get in touch and save me from wallowing in self pity..

XX

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
Thu, 02-08-2007 - 7:13pm

I could have written those words for all I know. Gosh, it seems like you're track record is as good as mine. I don't get it, either. I get hit on a lot by older, married men, guys you can tell are high on heroin, and the 36 year old who works as a bellman and lives with Mom. Every now and then the guy who seems to be normal slips in and then, like you said, disappears without a trace. I also seem to be the best person to date if you want to get back with your ex-girlfriend because most likely you will.

The self-pity is hard to avoid. I, for instance, get to go to work with a woman who literally rolled out of a marriage into another guy's bed and, after only a year dating, they are already engaged. I was married and that was awful and every guy I dated since has been awful. I even took two years off from dating because one guy had screwed with my head really bad and then, the moment I get involved with someone it's the same thing!

The only thing I will eternally be grateful to my latest ex for is that he came into my life when I was really, REALLY down about the last one. It made me realize that, even when there seems to be no hope, one day I will turn around at work or in a store and there will be someone new smiling at me like he was, like the one before him was.

My latest also just stopped calling one day. There were some warning signs because the phone calls seemed to die down although he would often call me or email me to tell me that he was sorry and that he was going to try harder so I would just ignore the signs that I should end this thing and run. I think he had a thing for his ex-girlfriend, too. He was long distance and the first time I visited him there was a picture, but kind of hidden. The second time I was there it was out. In his closet, but out nonetheless. I got to pass their smiling faces everytime I went to go put clothes in the laundry basket. He said other things too that made me paranoid, too.

Anyway, my point behind this long message is that there will always be someone new who will appear as suddenly as these jerks disappeared. And that's all they were - jerks. And there will be more, but the one perfect guy is out there and I think that all of these lousy experiences will help me appreciate him even more when he comes knocking.

Chin up!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 9:59am

Well, Im the girl who dates a guy for 2 years and then he leaves only to marry the next one! My b/f and I just broke on monday. We still live in the same apartment b/c our lease isnt up for a few more months and we cant break it w/out major consequences. we put a 800.00 deposit down on it, so we would be losing a lot of cash too. But, he'll most likely find a girl and marry her.

So, yeah...i question my self worth all the time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 12:32pm

Hi elfin2007,


Welcome to the board.