Why can't I stop thinking these thoughts
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Why can't I stop thinking these thoughts
| Sun, 11-27-2005 - 10:49am |
I've always thought of myself as a strong person but this feels so defeating. It's been a week now since he dumped me for another girl and all I can think about is what he's thinking. How can he not miss me at all? Does he feel the urge to talk to me at all - like I do? I KNOW that's stupid but I can't help it! It's been completely NC since the breakup conversation (which is good -- but painful)
Any advice of how to shut those thoughts off?

lily1600...
Pianoguy understands the NC disappointments you're going through.
When your most of your life is 'built around a companion'----and suddenly that person disappears----making the adjustment is difficult!
Try to remember one thing?
If the man REALLY wanted to talk with you (and offer you some sort of closure)....he'd have made the phone call or written the email. However, HIS LIFE is now being shared with somebody else.
And sadly...his feelings for you no longer count the way they used to!
Perhaps if you re-read the last few sentences, you'll understand his behavior a little better? And ultimately.....you'll push yourself away from him into a more positive direction??? There are some incredibly terrific men out there if you open up yourself to the possibility of "getting to know" them!
Good Luck!
Pianoguy
I totally agree with Pianoguy. When my boyfriend broke it off with me in August, he already had someone else on his mind, and he never offered me any kind of closure. He was too busy chasing after this female co-worker who he had been flirting with for two months. His reason for the breakup was that I was not a physically affectionate person and I hadn't been showing him any emotions for a month, and he was tired of waiting for me to come around. The reason I wasn't "completely there" is another story which I should probably start talking about in a new discussion, but I guess I'm still in denial. Since all three of us worked together and I could see him wooing her, it was very very painful to watch and extremely painful not to say anything to him or to her. He didn't care at all about my feelings, he would flirt with her right in front of me and every one at work. He didn't care about me anymore.... and that was very difficult to accept.
I was stupid enough to go back to him when he said he wanted me back. We were together for two months until I broke it off because I knew he was still talking to her even though he told me he hadn't spoken to her since we got back together, and he was probably dating her on the side too while we were together. I wouldn't be surprised if he is dating her this minute. Like you, I still have this urge to talk to him because I have a tonne of questions to ask him.....He even pops up in my dreams and having to see him at work everyday is just driving my insane!
Lately, I've been keeping myself busy and trying to take care of myself to get my mind off of him. I've been talking to friends and family, as well as counsellors, to vent and work through issues that were brought up from our relationship and the two breakups. I also went back to my old hobbies, looking for a new job (even though I can't seem to bring myself to apply because I feel so emotional), making plans with friends to go on a trip, meeting up with old friends whom I haven't talked to in years. I pampered myself, got a new haircut, went shopping today for a new outfit which I will wear to our Christmas party. I basically had to fill up those times which I would normally spend with him, with things I enjoy doing. Keeping myself busy doesn't shut off my thoughts about him, but at least I am trying to move on with my life and doing things that makes me feel better about myself has helped lessen the pain of the breakup somewhat.
I hope this helps.
Edited 11/29/2005 11:55 pm ET by b_ping