why did he leave me??

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2006
why did he leave me??
12
Fri, 01-26-2007 - 1:07am

please i need to know why he left. and i just can't seem to understand. he was crazy about me. he'd keep insisting we were going to marry no matter what i said. after 4 years of PASSIONATE ABNORMAL LOVE ( he carved my name on his hand with a blade in this one fight where i told him he's just playing me for a fool). Drank poison to convince me of his undying love and wehad to go the hospital. i was living in guilt and depression coz yet somehow i couldnt quite buy his "love/marriage" plans for me. they seemed too fairytalish. no practical element.

and when i'd say look this is a lie. he'd say that i just love to feel depressed an unhappy. he was VERY loving otherwise. did a lot of nice thigns for me. never even looked at any other girl. fought agianst his paretns for me ( i am of a different religion). and was otherwise wonderful.

For the 4 years we were he's been "dying" tomarry me. whenever i've said it wouldn't work out coz we were so different he'd insist we would. it was "fate". so i was comlpetely invested in the relationship . at what point he started to control me i don't know. but he did. i changed completely for him. and soon became deeply unhappy. would cry for hours. and he became quite unemotional. he'd convincedme i was crazy and that i "loved" to cry. but YET he insisted we would marry. at some point i started to think it was a lie - and he said "look this is your craziness. you just NEED a reason to feel sorry for yourself". i thought i was really going mad. if he loves me - why am i so depressed. blame dthe pills i was taking. joined a language class. went for walks. when we were happy we were really happy, REALLY happy and he'd promise marriage but the fights were terrible.

he is an extremely handsome man. and lives like he is in the movies. with his declarations of undying love. butthen he wouldn't staywith me 4 years would he??? he marriage plans sounded most impossible, ( his career plans consisted spooning of his parents for the most paart and YET he would saythings like " one day i am going to rule the world") i'd yell and say "prove yourself!! you do nothing but sponge off them! etc" and he'd hate me for it. no one ever spoke to him the way i did. anyway so i was steadily going mad......he loved me - i was the mad one to doubt him ....

anyway he leftthe country . missed me like hell. and said we'd definitely get engage din december. within one month of leaving cheated on me. i nearly died. its like i was right along. i stilll took him back. he said its harder for him to stay faithful coz he is so goodlookigthat girls flock to him anyway. i said its all right justdont do it again. he did it again. and this time said i need my freedom. cant be with you. hate talking to you. fed up of you. stop calling me. he said he doesnt love me anyore. i said you wanted to marry me? he said it was just a "moment". 2 months NC. he keeps checking my web pages.

he still has my pics put up on his my space. he sai dthis is for the best .
said he has to do "what he is born to do". he also said he doesn't want to miss out on anything "fun". and the girls there are are "very pretty and easy" and i'm too "weak" for him unlike girls there ( he made me weak!! coz my ambitious nature and great prospects intimidated him - he'd say i should "cut out the feminist liberalcrap and be a cute stay at home")he said he'd find someone better.

i was in shock. how can someone do this?? he framed a picture of the two of us befor ehe left and its on his desk. there are pics of that on Facebook. why did he leave me?? he loved me. he wantedto marry me. even after cheating he said i wantto marry yu lets make this work. then when he did it again. he just froze over. said he hasn't loved me for a eyar. but thats another lie. the moment he cheated on me. everything changed. he just didn't want me anymore. he is just having a great time. f88888 around. while i'm left wonderign whatever happ to my boyfriend who was so madly in love with me and wanted to marry me. he's called me twice in the last 2 months ( once on my birthday and once in the middle of the night. i cut both times. coz nothing he can say can make this better.)

please help me understand. why this happened. how could he do this . and not feel bad AT ALL>

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2006
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 10:11am

Narcissism is a personality disorder not a sign of being balanced. It has nothing to do with "self love". It is more about a person's inability to see how their actions impact the feelings of others and only choosing to do what is in the best interest of self and not thinking about the consequences to other people. For example, a narcissist will fly off to Las Vegas with his buddies and never call his SO and tell her where he is going, not caring that she will be worried about him or upset that he didn't even bother to cancel his dinner plans with her before jetting off. He only thinks about what is fun for him not how his actions will impact others. It's not self love, it is self indulgence.

YG

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 12:57pm

My sister and I were researching this very topic last night. I came up with these two sites that helped explain a lot....

http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/traits.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder

I let my son (18) read them, as is father has so many of these traits. I wanted him to know his father's behavior and choices aren't his (my son's) fault.


Carrie

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