AHHHH!!! If I were you I would have picked up the phone and yelled at him to oblivion!!!!!!!!!! How DARE he lead you on and then suddenly drop you like a hot potato???
Now you should definitely know this guys is TOTALLY not the one for you. He's flaky, immature, needy, dependent, etc etc etc.
He stayed with his ex even though she never loved him. He stayed with her until she left him for someone else. He came to you after she left him. He can't be alone, therefore he seeks you out. He is dependent on your love and support until his ex comes back to him. Then he ditches you.
These are all ingredients of the wrong man.
What I suggest to you is to step WAY OUT of this cycle. You don't need the drama. I understand you may be totally head over heels in love with him, but he basically just played with your emotions. That shows no respect on his part.
You deserve someone who will not be wishy washy about you. You deserve someone who will be there for you and not break your heart once, let alone twice!
Start no contact with him. Use this anger to motivate you to not talk to him ever again. Don't try to convince him that you're the one he should be with. And don't wait around for him to realize you are the one. After even a month of NC you will see things differently.
You're so much better off without him. I suggest you read the articles in the resource section of this message board. And, "It's Called a Breakup Cause It's Broken." They'll help you a lot.
I'm sorry you are hurting and this happened to you. I'm not much surprised though. He was involved with someone, lived with her, no matter what he told you, which in my opinion was him focusing on the bad things on the relationship to either convinence himself, get your sympathy and find comfort in you, instead of dealing with his break up BEFORE getting involved with you.
No one can say why he picked her, but I can say that his feelings for her were probably deeper then he suggested to you and fresh in his mind, add some fear of rekindling a past relationship and not knowing what might happen between the two of you.
I hope this closes the door to him for good so that you can move forward and heal.
Or he would have said anything to try it with you. He wanted to hook his 'back up' plan, which unfortunately led you along for a ride.
It's not really that other girls fault that he decided to use you as a rebound/back up, but his own immaturity. I would caution you not to spend another year pining over him, because you're, well, second best, in his book. And you definitely deserve to be the first in whatever the life of whatever guy you choose to grace.
All the best
- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your past - there's a reason they didn't make it into your future.
- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
Actually, I can tell you why he picked her over you, although you probably won't like it. She "does it" for him, and **especially** because of the fact that she left him, he's going to try, pretty much until she runs him into the ground, to "make her see" how good he is *for her* so she can do it for him again. He's got some pretty low self-esteem, that's for sure.
It's the same reason you're pining over him right now.
I've noticed a very strange phenomenon over the last year and change of watching the aftermath of breakups: When guys are left, they tend to fall apart. It's like an affront to their masculinity, and they'll spend a hell of a lot of time trying to prove that manliness by doing a lot of what we tell the women not to do, which is pine away. On the other hand, if they're the ones doing the leaving, it takes a heck of a lot to get them interested again, and that usually involves "leaving" them in some way, such as by creating space, having no contact, moving on, etc.
Isn't it so coincidental that at exactly the moment you lose interest is when they come back around? Same thing, they now have something to prove.
Anyway, that's a lot of generalization based on nothing scientific, only my observation, and only my opinion. But think to all your friends and family and even your own background, and tell me if that's not *generally* the case.
For you, dazed, I'd say the most important thing is to let this guy go. It really doesn't matter who he's chosen, it's not you. He's done it twice already; you were backup when he got back together with you again because he was hurting over her, and he did it again in the email (what a coward). Don't keep hurting yourself by hanging around so he can choose against you again.
AHHHH!!! If I were you I would have picked up the phone and yelled at him to oblivion!!!!!!!!!! How DARE he lead you on and then suddenly drop you like a hot potato???
Now you should definitely know this guys is TOTALLY not the one for you. He's flaky, immature, needy, dependent, etc etc etc.
He stayed with his ex even though she never loved him.
He stayed with her until she left him for someone else.
He came to you after she left him. He can't be alone, therefore he seeks you out.
He is dependent on your love and support until his ex comes back to him.
Then he ditches you.
These are all ingredients of the wrong man.
What I suggest to you is to step WAY OUT of this cycle. You don't need the drama. I understand you may be totally head over heels in love with him, but he basically just played with your emotions. That shows no respect on his part.
You deserve someone who will not be wishy washy about you. You deserve someone who will be there for you and not break your heart once, let alone twice!
Start no contact with him. Use this anger to motivate you to not talk to him ever again. Don't try to convince him that you're the one he should be with. And don't wait around for him to realize you are the one. After even a month of NC you will see things differently.
You're so much better off without him. I suggest you read the articles in the resource section of this message board. And, "It's Called a Breakup Cause It's Broken."
They'll help you a lot.
Good luck to you and big hugs!
Welcome to the board dazed_2004,
I'm sorry you are hurting and this happened to you. I'm not much surprised though. He was involved with someone, lived with her, no matter what he told you, which in my opinion was him focusing on the bad things on the relationship to either convinence himself, get your sympathy and find comfort in you, instead of dealing with his break up BEFORE getting involved with you.
No one can say why he picked her, but I can say that his feelings for her were probably deeper then he suggested to you and fresh in his mind, add some fear of rekindling a past relationship and not knowing what might happen between the two of you.
I hope this closes the door to him for good so that you can move forward and heal.
Relationship Grieving Process
Or he would have said anything to try it with you. He wanted to hook his 'back up' plan, which unfortunately led you along for a ride.
It's not really that other girls fault that he decided to use you as a rebound/back up, but his own immaturity. I would caution you not to spend another year pining over him, because you're, well, second best, in his book. And you definitely deserve to be the first in whatever the life of whatever guy you choose to grace.
All the best
- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your past - there's a reason they didn't make it into your future.
Actually, I can tell you why he picked her over you, although you probably won't like it. She "does it" for him, and **especially** because of the fact that she left him, he's going to try, pretty much until she runs him into the ground, to "make her see" how good he is *for her* so she can do it for him again. He's got some pretty low self-esteem, that's for sure.
It's the same reason you're pining over him right now.
I've noticed a very strange phenomenon over the last year and change of watching the aftermath of breakups: When guys are left, they tend to fall apart. It's like an affront to their masculinity, and they'll spend a hell of a lot of time trying to prove that manliness by doing a lot of what we tell the women not to do, which is pine away. On the other hand, if they're the ones doing the leaving, it takes a heck of a lot to get them interested again, and that usually involves "leaving" them in some way, such as by creating space, having no contact, moving on, etc.
Isn't it so coincidental that at exactly the moment you lose interest is when they come back around? Same thing, they now have something to prove.
Anyway, that's a lot of generalization based on nothing scientific, only my observation, and only my opinion. But think to all your friends and family and even your own background, and tell me if that's not *generally* the case.
For you, dazed, I'd say the most important thing is to let this guy go. It really doesn't matter who he's chosen, it's not you. He's done it twice already; you were backup when he got back together with you again because he was hurting over her, and he did it again in the email (what a coward). Don't keep hurting yourself by hanging around so he can choose against you again.
Hugs,