WHY DID I SAY IT!!!!!!!
Find a Conversation
WHY DID I SAY IT!!!!!!!
| Tue, 04-03-2007 - 5:53pm |
Well I'm right back to feeling as bad as I did a month ago!! This morning my "husband" drove me to work. As I got out of the car I just had to stick my head back in the car and tell him" now that I'm getting out of the car I want to say something, I still love you and I miss you like crazy!!!!!!" What was I thinking?????? All day I've had this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach that I should have just kept my mouth shut!!!! It's hard enough sitting beside him on the drive because even a touch of elbows makes me want to cry but to say something that he won't care about???? I just want this pain to stop!!!! I just want it to go away!!!!!! I have cried everyday since he said he was leaving the marriage!!!! I know that him still living in the house is killing me but I can't be without him! 11yrs is a long time with someone and to just say that's "it" is hurting so much!!!!!

You said it because you're human and because it is how you feel. Believe me, I have said some really dumb things in the past two months, even in the past two days to my husband, and it doesn't help anyone. It's ok to tell him that you love him as long as you don't expect anything in return. I know it's hard. It's going to be that way for a while. It's been 9 weeks since he moved out the 2nd time (12 since the first time), and things are still up and down for me. I have ok days, really excellent and awesome days (haven't had too many, but they are starting to happen), then there are the days where one little thing happens (like an accidental email from a co-worker; sent to wrong person) and my world falls apart. I can say that the days that my world does "fall apart", are not quite so tragic anymore. I just get sad, quiet, think and daydream a lot; it takes effort to move on with my day, but the urge to curl up and hide isn't there now. I'm guessing that eventually it will all completly go away, in time.
It will for you too. This is new, and you still see him every day, so that doesn't help. You can't grieve properly when he's still there. But you will soon. Just hang in there.
Melissa
I know how hard it is to take that next step. I really should just go ahead and file for divorce since my husband does not show any interest in putting our marriage back together. And as my counselor said this evening, he doesn't have the motivation to just file himself.
Just stay strong. You will make it through this.