Why did my best guy friend stop talking to me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2013
Why did my best guy friend stop talking to me?
4
Thu, 09-26-2013 - 7:59pm

     So let me start from the beginning. There was a guy that transferred to my work and became my supervisor. It was like an instant friendship. We were always hanging around each other and always told each other pretty much everything. He was going through a breakup with his girlfriend and asked me for advice all the time.We became a lot closer during this time and he opened up a lot to me. He cried and showed a lot of emotion that he said he usually doesn't do in front of people. We started hanging out more and more outside of work. He always told me that I was the hardest working person at that job, that I did everything he asked and more.

     I have a really good female friend that I have known for like 4 or 5 years that also works with us. They would get in to little arguments every now and then but by the next day the were over it. So over the next 6 months me and this guy hung out at each others house, went to the gym, went to dinner, and other things together. He would always tease me about moving away. I would always give him a look of disgust when he said it cause I didn't want him to move. I had become really close to him and had developed pretty strong feelings for him. But since he was my supervisor, we were not going to do anything that would cause us to lose our jobs.

     One day he found out that he was accepted to take a assistant manager job. He told me and I did admit that I was a little upset because I would be able to see him as much. Well the next 2 weeks we pretty much did everything together at work.

     Two days before he left, I was working on a project and he hollered at me. I didn't hear what he said, so he hollered again. My friend that I have known for 4 or 5 years was there with me and asked if I was going to break with her. After I didn't hear what he said, he came over to where I was and asked me if I would help him with something. I told him that I would help him but I was going to go to break first. Well he looked at my friend, got pissed, and turned around and walked off. I had come back from break and I went over to him and said ok I'm ready to help you. He wouldn't even look at me and said in a pissed off voice "never mind, I'll get it myself". I was like ok and walked off. He did not talk to me or hardly look at me the rest of that day. After I got off I text him and told him, "I don't know why your mad at me but it sucks and tomorrow is my last day working with you". He never replied.

     The next day, his last day at work, he still wouldn't say anything to me or hardly look at me. I was upset cause it was my last day to work with him, but I didn't say anything. Well at the end of the day, he left an hour before I did. He told everyone goodbye except for me. He went to leave and walked right by me without saying a word. So I text him like 2 minutes after he walked out the door. I said "nice working with you...". He response was "you too".

     So about 30 minutes later I said "Never would have thought but everyday has been great and fun except the last 2 days we have worked together, it has been miserable! I guess since you seem fine with it so be it but it sucks...I don't know what I did to make you mad but I'm sorry".

     His response was "the company you keep reflects you....and I'm gonna leave it at that". I said "really? your mad at me because of who I am friends with? That's never seemed to be a problem before".

     He replied "I don't care who your friends with but you run behind her like a lil puppy dog while she does no work at all...and no that's not why I'm mad....have a nice day...". I said "So I guess all that work I did for you and with you wasn't anything".

     He said "Wowwww....never said that....I gave you props and appreciation everyday....". I told him "thought you were different but I was obviously wrong". He said "whatever....open your eyes...".

     That really hurt me. I did a lot for him. I let it go for about a week and text him again because I had a lot going through my head that I needed to tell him. So I told him "I know you don't want to hear from me or talk to be and I am not expecting you to answer, but this whole thing has been killing me. I am sorry about everything that I said to you the other day. I just got caught up with everything". He never answered.

     It was really hard for me cause I still had a lot of feelings for him that I couldn't let go. So 3 months had past and I text him again. I told him I would like to work out all our issues because I miss hanging out and talking with him. He still didn't reply.

     I still see him but not on a daily basis and he still acts like he doesn't see me.

     I just need some advice on what to do because I still have a lot of strong feelings for him and want to work things out but he doesn’t want to talk or acknowledge me when he sees me.

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Fri, 09-27-2013 - 2:47pm

You can't make him change his mind and you have done everything you can to try to repair the situation from your end. He is acting like a real baby throwing a tantrum. Perhaps he will come around some day but for now you just have to suck it up and stop trying to contact him. Perhaps it is a bit of the real him that came out, you just never saw it before. Possibly a reason him and his last gf broke up, if this was the way he handled situations that he didn't like.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sat, 09-28-2013 - 12:34am

For one thing he was your supervisor, and that's why you never have relationships with co-workers, particularly your boss.  It sounds very much like it was a friendship, not a relationship, at least not for him.  You say that YOU developed feelings for him, but that doesn't mean that he developed them for you, beyond friendship.  If he didn't like the person you were friends with, that's too bad, but as your supervisor, when he asked for your help, you certainly shouldn't have blown him off that way.  He's been gone for 3 months?  He's not replying to your texts.....which is NOT how to communicate important things anyway.  Take the hint.  He is not interested, and you can't make him interested by texting him.  He's not answering, so take the hint and move on with your life.  It doesn't matter what you want......he's not interested! 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010
Sat, 09-28-2013 - 2:27am

Advice on what to do: cross him off your list of friends and move on. By not responding to your messages he is saying that he doesn't want to be friends anymore.

Not sure why he got so pissy when you didn't help him right away, unless he felt like you should have asked if you could take your break and then help him, instead of telling him how it would be. He might have realized then that the friendship had blurred the lines between your roles at work.

After he officially moved up a rung on the corporate ladder he probably realized, or was told, that it could be inappropriate to have such a close friendship with another employee, especially someone subordinate. Maybe other employees noticed the closeness/how you felt about him. The company may have a policy against fraternizing.

Whatever his reasons, his message is pretty clear: the friendship you had before is over now. Be glad that you don't have to see him frequently because that could be pretty awkward (which is why its not a good idea to get involved with coworkers).

Avatar for slah54
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2012
Sat, 09-28-2013 - 9:40am

Remdamma, I think you got it exactly right.  As a supervisor myself, I have to be very careful not to get too close to any of my employees.  It's bad for team morale if the perception is that one employee is favoured because of friendship with the boss.  That applies to any friendship, male or female, that I might have at work.