why do i care?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
why do i care?
8
Sun, 04-23-2006 - 2:22am

I broke up with my boyfriend a couple months ago, becuase he had been cheating on me throughout the relationship with his wife (they were seperated, she knew all about me, and finally after she filed for divorce she tells me what has been going on through email, though we had never talked before)... and I know this is all true for a number of different reasons, but now this guy is spending excessive amounts of time with a girl that he cheated on the wife with. and supposedly they are just friends. This girl is married now and has a little baby, but she is also known to cheat. I dont believe for a second that they are not doing anything, but I also know I shouldn't give a s**t. He is a piece of trash for doing these things to women, i am so much better than that, I deserve the best, I'm a bright young woman with so much going for me and so much life left to live, but I absolutely can not let go......I don't talk to him, but recently on a site (myspace, its a friend place), i saw a picture of him and this girl and her baby and his sister at chuckie cheese and it was in a small place so i guess she had to sit on him, to fit in the picture. i was so mad that i sent him a rude text message after not talking for like two weeks. and the thing is that he seemed so great, he was such a con artist it amazes me........really it does

but i need to just let go, but i cant

Avatar for memphisstars
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 04-23-2006 - 12:50pm

In my world of ethics and law, actually I think it was HIS WIFE he was cheating on WITH YOU. It is impossible to cheat with your own wife.

But you are right, this guy is a cheater all around. It might be helpful if you stayed off Myspace for a while. You CAN forget him if you try hard enough and give it some time. That is what many of us on this board are learning to do. There is also a board no here for getting over affairs. It might give you some insight into your own behavior, which is ultimately all you can control.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Sun, 04-23-2006 - 11:08pm
well I knew he was married yes but not until a couple weeks into it and we practically lived together, the story was just that he they could not afford to file yet, that's all, but i do understand what you are saying, I know that I could have left after hearing that, but she did not seem to be in the picture whatsoever anymore.
Avatar for memphisstars
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 04-23-2006 - 11:39pm

Maybe you should seek counseling to help you understand why you cannot let go of what you call a "piece of trash." And yes, I do think with enough time and effort, you can let go.

I still think reading the Affair board a bit here will help you, because men often use the excuse of not having money to file for a divorce and also claim that their marriage is over when there is still a lot of interaction with the wife; that is often their side of the story. By the way, is he divorced now?

And why in the world, since he cheated on his wife with you, did you expect him not to cheat on you with someone else? Kind of seems like you caused a lot of this anguish for yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Sun, 04-23-2006 - 11:48pm
I really did not know any of the people involved before i met him. I met him online, was kind of skeptical about it but gave it a try and was willing to continue until something happened otherwise, he had gone to sexaholics meetings in order to recover from his sex "addiction", that combined with the fact that i cant believe he had time to pull this over me as he was always with me gave me reason to believe that I could start to trust him even though he has made a past mistake, clearly he needs a lot more help than that, and I see that it goes much deeper than just sex anyway, he has a lot of issues
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Sun, 04-23-2006 - 11:53pm
and the divorce is filed, the wife filed it and then told me about everything that happened through email. her and i are talking now and somewhat becoming friends, which is strange but she did not know me personally at all beforehand and i know she was just trying to get what she could from him as he was very controlling with her, just as he probably would have gotten with me, though many things were apparantely different between their relationship and ours, but that is really not important anymore.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 04-24-2006 - 12:47am

You care because you are human, because he hurt you and lied to you. You wanted to be the one that he would turn his life around for, but it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him.

Stay away from myspace and focus on you and your healing.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Mon, 04-24-2006 - 3:51am
Thank you, such a short response, but it helped, finally someone out here understands, thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Mon, 04-24-2006 - 11:05pm
angie,
i had a very similar experience. i was also convinced that it was over btwn the guy i was dating and his wife who he was separated from (because he went out of his way to convince me), then he got back together with her. it's very shocking/unpleasant to realize you were duped by someone you were starting to trust. my lesson that i'm taking away from the experience is to LISTEN to what people tell you about themselves and their past, no matter how nice or together they may SEEM. it's usually not a resolved issue(s) and will pop up again in the present. anyway, don't be so hard on yourself. it sucks and it makes sense that you're angry and hurt. just don't hold onto it too long, for your own sake. he has to live with his miserable, effed-up self, and you get to move on and find happiness.