Hon, your past abandonment and your current mental illness are major pieces of the puzzle that is you. Not one single person maneuvers through this life completely unscathed. You've been dealt your blows and are doing the right thing by getting therapy and staying on your medication. You're also obviously a caring, thoughtful person as evidencd by your concern for your BF's emotional welfare and the fear you have of hurting him any further. You are an individual deserving of love. And this man wants to love you, despite any and all of those things you regard as barriers. I suggest you allow him to do so and let him take responsibility for his own decisions. I too was abandoned by both of my parents at a very early age and grew up under very strenuous mental and emotional conditions. My first couple of serious relationships suffered horribly as a result. But life is change, people evolve and mistakes are only mistakes if you don't learn anything from them. At 34, I've come a long way and am now someone any man would gladly have as his and sorely miss if lost. But that's only due to what I learned from my behavior and experiences in past relationships. So, allow yourself this room to grow and learn and heal. Allow your BF to accompany you on this journey if that's what he wants. And maybe in the end, you'll have both grown together and become one. Always believe that you are wonderful and worthy and you will be. You already are to him.